EP 35 How Do I Control My Moods with My Husband, Kids, Boss? Why Am I So Moody? How to Always Look Through Rose Colored Glasses


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By Angie Tonini-Rogers | Intentional Life Coach - Balance and Boundary Strategist, Angie Tonini-Rogers | Intentional Life Coach - Balance, and Boundary Strategist. Discovered by Player FM and our community — copyright is owned by the publisher, not Player FM, and audio is streamed directly from their servers. Hit the Subscribe button to track updates in Player FM, or paste the feed URL into other podcast apps.

EP 35 How do I Control My Moods with My Husband, Kids, Boss, Friends? Why Am I So Moody and What Can I Do About It? How to Always Look Through Rose Colored Glasses. Mood Elevator by Larry Senn

This technique you can use to help regulate yourself and know yourself. Get some personal awareness in where you might be on what we call the mood elevator so that you can improve your relationships with everybody else around you. Okay? It's everything about you and your mood elevator.

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Hey, welcome back to this episode, episode 35 of Wholly Made Life™. And today I'm going to give you a little bit of a technique that you can use to help regulate yourself and know yourself. Get some personal awareness in where you might be on what we call the mood elevator so that you can improve your relationships with everybody else around you. Okay? It's everything about you and your mood elevator. All right, let's get ready for this episode.

What we call the mood elevator. Now I did not make this up. This is something I learned years and years ago as I was in leadership nursing positions. And it's something that we use to help create a culture in which everyone was accountable for, where they were in their elevator. And the idea is, is the more aware you are of where you are in your elevator, the better your relationships and interactions will be with other people. So it's called a mood elevator and it is by, it used to be send to Laney S E N N D E L a N E Y. But I think that that company is been absorbed into another company or something like that. So I actually will put a link in the show notes to the mood elevator the site, so that you can see this for yourself.

And there's actually a quiz that you can take. That's called the mood elevator quiz, and it will help you get a better understanding of the mood elevator. So what it is is if you've listened to any of my accountability series in the first few episodes that I did for the podcast, then you will understand why I think it's so important that each individual be accountable for themselves first, and then collectively as a group, we can all be accountable. And that makes for much better interactions and much better relationships, but essentially what the mood elevator is, is that you imagine yourself in an elevator and at the at the very bottom of the building, the very, you know, the elevators at the very bottom of the building, then you have feelings such as depressed being angry or hostile or stress or burnt out. And if you're at the very top of the building and the elevator, then you are going to be in a grateful nude, or you're going to be wise insightful.

You're going to be creative and innovative. Okay. So that is how the mood elevator works. Now I'm going to go through each of these and I want you to visualize what it looks like. And like I said, you can actually download a copy. It's complimentary and it's a PDF and it will be on the mood elevator.com so that you can take a better look. And I just think this is really helpful. It's been very, very pivotal in my ability to number one repair relationships when I've done or said something that was perceived in a way that I didn't intend it. And number two, to keep from damaging relationships, because we all know that every person around us is not always actively looking and being intentional about being personally accountable and responsible. When we talk about the spirit of fence, for example, that is a spirit in which people take offense to something, instead of understanding that they actually have the control in that situation to perceive that situation differently, which gives them an opportunity to respond differently to that person or in that interaction.

Okay. So this is about your personal awareness of where you are in your mood and how that can impact someone else. So let's just go through the feelings, let's go from the bottom of the building. So this is in the bottom. Think of these as red, meaning that you really want to be very careful about having an interaction with someone, if you are anywhere in this red or bottom of the building, bottom of the elevator if you're any of these moods, okay. So depressed and I'm going from bottom up. Okay. So depressed is at the very bottom angry, hostile stress, burnt out self-righteous judgemental or blaming defensive insecure, worried, or anxious, irritated, bothered, impatient, or frustrated. So if you are feeling any of these things, then think about it in the red area. Those are not times that would be a good idea for you to have serious conversations with people.

The in addition, or let me see, let me back up. So serious conversations with people or hard conversations with people. Like if there's a conversation that needs to be had with somebody that you're in relationship with that is going to be a harder conversation. If you are in any of these mood or any of these levels, this depressed all the way up to impatient or frustrated, that is probably not the best time to have conversations that could be emotional or her something that could possibly hurt someone's feelings for that other person. It would not be good. Now it also would not be good for you because when you are impatient or frustrated or you are in a judgemental or blaming mood, or you are feeling defensive or insecure, you can see how things that are said in a conversation will be perceived differently by you.

When you're in that lower part of that elevator, you will perceive those and receive those conversations and interactions differently. If you are in an impatient or frustrated mood versus a grateful mood, do you see how that would change the way that you receive and perceive information from others? So just be mindful that if you are feeling defensive or worried or anxious about something or irritated or bothered, it might be a time where you would say, you know what, and in as culture where we all have this language where we can say, Hey, I'm real low on the mood elevator right now. I don't think it's a good idea to have this conversation right now, because I don't want to be in a place where I am receiving or perceiving something that you're not intending. And I certainly don't want to say or do anything that might hurt or your feelings.

Okay. So when you are in a place of, it's kind of like when you think about beer goggles or a Rose colored glasses it, that's a saying that means that it changes the way you see things. It changes the way that you see the world. Think about this when you are a young child and w you know, they, when we talk about little girls or boys, when they are little, and they see things in such a, like a rainbow and unicorns way, they don't all of the extra experiences that we have as adults. They're not as tainted. So they see the world so much differently than we do. So this is a technique that you can use to identify where you are, so that you can put back on the right kind of glasses so that you are seeing the world and perceiving the world from a place that you intend to be receiving and perceiving the world, instead of from just flowing, without having any personal awareness.

And, you know, you might, if you're burnt out like in nursing, and I'm sure a lot of professions you get burnt out, right? That's, we've talked a lot about this. You get burnt out on stuff. You get burnt out on Parenthood, you get burnt out on you know, being away. If you get burnt out on a servant at your church, you get burnt out. And it, a lot of times it's because you are in this low end of the mood elevator, and you don't even realize that the reason you're feeling and receiving you're irritated, you're bothered. You're worried about something anxious. You are impatient and frustrated. The reason you are continuing to kind of be in this sick lik response to all of these things is because you are responding out of the bottom of this mood elevator, and you don't recognize it.

So everything that's happening around you, everything that's happening between you and the people you're interacting with, they are being, it's being tainted by these glasses. These burnt out colored glasses, or these worried and anxious glasses, or these impatient and frustrated glasses you're seeing and receiving the world through these glasses. So everything is being colored or tainted by that feeling. Now, the point is, is that you become aware that, wait a minute, I am bothered. I'm irritated right now. So I, when I recently, when I receive something that my husband just said, if I'm in an irritated mood and I don't catch that, I don't realize that. Then my response to him is out of irritation. And then that irritates him. It bothers him. It, maybe it makes him mad. And if I was responsible enough or accountable and that to say, hold on, Hey, listen, I am irritated right now.

This has nothing to do with you. Can we talk about this later? Or I am sorry. I didn't mean to say it like that. I didn't mean to it, take it like that, but I'm just irritated right now. And you know, it's not about you and just give me yeah. A few minutes. So it's, it's an intentional catch. You're catching yourself where you are on the mood elevator, when it is changing the outcomes of the conversations and relationships you're having. Hopefully that's making sense. Okay. So let's go on up the mood elevator. Let's move into kind of the middle. All right. Where the is, where you are curious, and you are interested. So if you're curious and interested, well, you're going to perceive what's going on around you and you are going to treat people differently. Then if you're impatient or frustrated, that's just, it's just reality.

If you're coming from a curious and interested place versus an impatient and frustrated place, your outcome with that person, your relationship with that person, your interaction with that person is going to be different. It has to be because you're coming from a different place. Okay. let's move on up. And we're going to go from middle, which is curious and interested all the way up to the top. So flexible, adaptive sense of humor, patient and understanding appreciative, hopeful, optimistic, resourceful, creative, innovative wise, and insightful and grateful. So what did you say that, that perceiving the world around you, perceiving an interaction from a grateful standpoint versus a just depressed or angry or hostile standpoint. What did you say that you would perceive that differently? Absolutely. You would. You absolutely would. This is where I wish I could see you and hear you, because I know that if you are purposefully coming from a place of gratefulness, you are going to perceive relationships are going to perceive interactions differently than you would if you're coming from an angry or hostile place.

Okay. So how do we use this? Number one? We've talked about it. B where, of where you are on your mood elevator, because your mood elevator is yours. It's nobody else's, it has nothing to do with anybody else. It is yours and you own it. Nobody else has anything to do with where you are on the mood elevator. It is all yours to own a hundred percent. So you own it. So that's number one own where you are on the mood elevator. Number two, communicate to those. You are interacting with where you are on the mood elevator. Communicate that to them. So like in the workplace, what I used to do is say, listen, I have had a hard meeting, you know, I know we were supposed to meet and talk about some things, but I've just come out of hard meeting. I don't feel like it would be fair to you to have this meeting right now, because I am not in a good place.

And I want to be in a patient and understanding appreciative, hopeful place when I talk to you. So it's okay to use this language and share this language with people that you are interacting with, especially in the workplace. It's a great cultural tool to use. It's a great leadership and supervisory tool to use and teaching others to use the same language, because we all then have that same and same understanding of where everybody is. Because if you're in a culture where everybody knows the mood elevator, and you say to somebody, Hey, listen, I am real low on the mood elevator. I am feeling really stressed right now. Then if that other person understands what that means, then they understand that. Okay, right now it's probably not the greatest time to tell you about this major thing that just happened, or you know, it's not the time to come to you to complain about something that just happened.

It's something that can wait. Okay. When you're feeling a little bit more with a sense of humor, which is higher on the mood elevator. Okay. All right. So number one, be aware and own where you are on the mood elevator. Number two, communicate to the other person, whoever you're dealing with, where you are on the mood elevator and do it, do it in a loving way. So that they understand this is about you and your mood. Not them. It has nothing to do with them. Let them know that it is, you are owning this and you want to love them enough to wait to have this hard conversation until you're higher on the mood elevator. Okay. And then finally, number three is to use this, to ask for grace and forgiveness. When you have done something, when you are low on the mood elevator in these red areas, this angry, hostile, self-righteous blaming defensive, irritated, frustrated, impatient.

When you have done or interacted or responded to someone, when you were in that low area, then ask for forgiveness and grace from that person, once you're able to do that there've been so many times where I have responded in a way that had nothing to do with the person, but they completely took whether it's offense or they thought I was upset with them. It really had nothing to do with them. So there's been so many times that I've done that. I mean, I, you know, I don't, maybe I'm the only one, but that acts out of, you know, when, when I shouldn't be having conversations or when I should, when I should be communicating to my husband that look, I am tired. I am frustrated. I am hungry. I am really stressed out about this situation. And this is just not a conversation I can have right now and give you the responses that you're looking for.

You know, I haven't taken the time to do that. So then we just end up in an argument and it's totally my fault because I did not own my part. Now, again, I am not saying that the other person doesn't have a responsibility, but you don't get to control that you only get, can get to control you and your mood elevator. The only buttons you get to push are the ones on your mood elevator. Kay. You don't get to push the buttons on the other. Person's a mood elevator. All right. All right. So once again, number one, be aware and own your own mood, elevator buttons. Number two, communicate to others where you are on your mood elevator, and number three, make sure that if you have not gone to the right floor before you have a relationship or B before you have a conversation with somebody that you apologize and ask for forgiveness and grace and let them know, Hey, listen, I was feeling really frustrated earlier.

I know that I responded with you. I was very short with you. I, you know, I know that you got upset when I said that it was not my intent. It's not what at all, what I intended the other way that I use this finally. So, you know, those are the three things, but this is just another way. Sometimes if there's a situation that I can't get out of, I have to have this meeting, or I have to have this phone call. You know, I might just say, Hey, I just want to let you know, I've had a hard conversation just a little bit ago, and I'm a little bit frustrated about it. So I am just letting you know that. Not because I don't want you to take anything that I say as I'm intending to be frustrated or upset with you.

You know, I do that sometimes when I'm talking to somebody about, let's say like, somebody messed up a bill or something, and you're calling, you're frustrated. Why? Because you're on hold with a telemarketer and you're trying to get to the representative and, you know, they won't get you to where you need to speak to. You know, I do that all the time. I say, Hey, listen, I understand you're just doing your job. I don't mean to be frustrated at you. This situation is frustrating me, but I'm not frustrated with you. So you just take a few minutes and you take a little extra time to communicate what's going on with you so that they don't then take the Liberty to take offense or think that whatever's going on with you is actually about them. Okay. Hopefully that made sense. I love the mood elevator.

I love being aware of where I am and if nothing else, what you can do is reflect on conversations. You've had, you know, I'm, I don't know. I feel like I'm a little bit crazy because I will have conversations. If I'm about to go have a conversation that's maybe hard or just I don't know maybe uncomfortable or something. I will practice the conversation first and then I'll go have it. And then after I have that conversation, I'll go back and I'll have the conversation again. And I'll practice, man, when this person said this, this is probably what I should have said. That would have been a better response. She would have received that better. So I practice it. So the people that I worked with prior kept saying, you know, you should have been a lawyer. You're always so quick to, you know, come up with something.

And it's literally because I practice conversations before, and then I review conversations that I've had afterwards. Yeah. you know, that's what a 45 minute commute will do. It'll allows me to have conversations before and after. But it, it also helps you get better at having conversations and get better at realizing how people might be perceiving what you do or say, and that's not what at all, what you intended, you never meant to hurt someone or make somebody feel bad. But because you weren't really monitoring where you were on the mood elevator, you you know, hurt someone and you just didn't intend to. So, all right, guys, hopefully that makes sense. Listen, if you are stuck at all about trying to figure out how can you be more accountable? How can you get yourself to a place where you can kind of break through some of these things that you've heard on this podcast or some of the things you're being challenged to do at work, or you know, in your parenting or your marriage?

Don't forget that I am doing individual and individual coaching sessions. And they are either 30 minutes, which is called the power session or an hour, which is called the deep dive. And we will go through what I call my big idea framework, and we will help you create an actual plan and get unstuck. Okay. So it's, you'll get unstuck. You don't have to stay stuck. If you need some extra help, just reach out to me, email me at Angietoninirogers@gmail.com. Okay. All right. Don't forget themoodelevator.com is where you can go and read more about this. You can download a copy of your own mood elevator, and you could also take a little quiz about where you are.

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