EP 33 What You Permit You Promote How to Be Accountable for What Happens Around You at Home and Work- What you Condone You Own- What You Tolerate You Deserve


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By Angie Tonini-Rogers | Intentional Life Coach - Balance and Boundary Strategist, Angie Tonini-Rogers | Intentional Life Coach - Balance, and Boundary Strategist. Discovered by Player FM and our community — copyright is owned by the publisher, not Player FM, and audio is streamed directly from their servers. Hit the Subscribe button to track updates in Player FM, or paste the feed URL into other podcast apps.

EP 33 What You Permit You Promote How to Be Accountable for What Happens Around You at Home and Work- What you Condone You Own- What You Tolerate You Deserve

This is a tool that I use almost every day, and I really try to keep this at the forefront of my mind so that I can be holding myself accountable. And people around me are also held accountable in a way that produces the best possible outcomes for everybody in your family, in your work place, wherever you want. And what this tool is called is what you permit you promote.

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Hey guys, what's up. It's Angie again. And I am here. Your host of Wholly Made Life. And I just wanted to drop a bonus episode for you. This is a tool that I use almost every day, and I really try to keep this at the forefront of my mind so that I can be holding myself accountable. And people around me are also held accountable in a way that produces the best possible outcomes for everybody in your family, in your work place, wherever you want.

And what this tool is called is what you permit you promote. Okay. And I want to make sure that I'm saying that correctly so that you understand exactly what I'm saying. It's what you permit. P E R M I T is what you promote. P R O M O T E. Did I just spell that? Right. Okay. What you permit, you promote. And I wanted to talk about this because as you know, if you've gone through my accountability series, that was back towards the beginning of the episodes. I don't remember their numbers, but there were four of them. I believe it talks about how we can't really hold other people accountable until we hold ourselves accountable. And the whole premise behind what you permit you promote is that if you are allowing things to be said, or to be done, that are, may seem small, or maybe they're big, but it is not right.

Really an appropriate thing to be happening. If you don't stop and address that thing, then you are essentially promoting that. And whether this is in your family or at your workplace, this is a really important technique for you to remember, to hold yourself accountable and then hold others accountable. So just remember what you permit you promote. So this is an example. If one of my three boys does or says something that is inappropriate or not acceptable, if I don't address it, then it allows the other boys to think that I am permitting that. And also then promoting that if I don't correct it, or if I don't point out that that was inappropriate or unkind or whatever it is hurtful, then I am in fact promoting that behavior to continue. So it's really important to address things that come up in real time so that it doesn't appear that you are promoting this it's really important in parenting.

I feel like even when they're small things, because when we don't address the small things, those small things add up to be big things. And it's kind of like if you don't address a small thing, but then when you want to address a big thing, it's like, well, you know, if you don't even address this little thing over here, then why would I think that you're going to address a big thing over here? An example, Apple is this. And I can think of an example at work where you've got a bunch of adolescents in the room together, and one kid says something unkind or mean, or making fun of another person. If you don't address that behavior, at least to say that that's not appropriate. That's not the way that we talk to someone. That's not the way that we encourage someone. If you don't address it in some way, then everyone else around that person who engaged in that behavior will start to feel like that that's an appropriate way to interact.

And not only will they that give that person who engaged in that behavior permission to continue that behavior and then probably escalate that behavior. The rest of the people in that room will also feel like they now have permission to engage in that. So then you think about a group of adolescents or, you know, three boys in your home or, or your kids in your home. If one person starts to pop off and say something unkind to somebody else and then another person, and then another person you've just got all that feeding and that escalates like that. So it's important to at the very least address it somehow some way so that you are not by way of not intervening permitting and then promoting that behavior to occur. I hope that makes sense. So in it doesn't have to be that big of a deal.

It could be something of, you know, I don't like the way that made me feel when you said that to your brother, that kind of hurt my feelings a little bit. Oh mom, I'm just kidding. And so maybe they make that a joke, but they still know that I did not approve of, and I am not permitting them to be unkind and, and make fun of their brother that way. Does that make sense? It's kind of like when you don't address those things, it just sends the wrong message to everybody else in the room. It communicates your values. So whether you do or don't address these things that happen, it communicates your values. I can think of another example. You're sitting in a group and let's say one of your girlfriends starts to talk about someone that's not in the room. If you sit there and don't engage and don't interact and don't say anything, but you're sitting there listening, you are in fact engaging in that conversation.

And you are in fact then permitting that in, in sitting almost in agreement with whatever's going on, which can quickly turn into gossip. And we know as I've talked about back in another episode, that gossip is very hurtful and it's something that can damage relationships very, very quickly. So the right thing to do in that situation would to be, to say, you know, I'm not comfortable talking about this that person's not here to defend themselves or to give us their side. So why don't we, you know, not have this conversation or why don't we switch on switch to something else now, does this take a little bit of courage? Yeah, it does. It takes some courage and you can do this in a kind way, but it's about kind of standing up for things that means something and not allowing small things to build up to where, you know, you've got one kid, one of my boys making fun of another kid and I'm sitting right here and then the other one pops off to him and then the other one then kind of kicks them in the shin and then the other one starts throwing stuff.

And then all of a sudden, all you they're all on the floor and in a big old gang pile of, of punches and somebody ends up crying and stomps off to the room. I mean that to me, yo boy moms, if you all experienced this Lord have mercy. Or is it just me just as my wild and crazy boys? I don't know, but the constant fighting and wrestling and, you know, those mean word jabs that end up in punches and then somebody getting upset and running off with their ball to the room. It just doesn't have to get there. Or the very least, they, they at least know that I disapprove of the way they're talking to each other. You know, I'm reminding them, you know, that's, that's not okay. There's power in your, in your words. I don't want to hear you say those things about your brother, whether you're joking or not.

That's not an inappropriate joke. I don't like that. I don't approve of that. Okay. So it's just, you know, this is, this is good for any circumstance that you're ever in, whether you're on a team at work, whether you are parenting your kids, whether you are serving at your church, whether you are in the grocery line and you know, someone's talking bad about the checkout girl, you know, it's just, it's not okay. And I just don't ever want to be a position where I have some sort of accountability or I guess, responsibility or ownership in causing situations to escalate to where they would be hurtful or you know, lack, integrity. Okay. So again, what you permit you promote, you know, when you tolerate a certain dysfunction, it actually signals that you're condoning that dysfunction to occur when you don't speak out against it, when you don't act out against it, it basically gives license to that person to continue that.

And then while that person continues that behavior, other people will start to fall in line with that and say, well, she gets away with it. I can get away with it. And then it just festers. So I really feel like us as you know, powerful wonder women, as I talked about in a couple episodes ago, it's our responsibility and it's our, and I think we should be accountable to raise the standards of conversations and interactions that are happening in our circles. It's I think it's, we are in a place where we can help to transform the conversations and the interactions that are happening. And it, it, it almost forces other people to step up their game and to just be a better person to be around. So I will leave you with this, what you permit, you promote what you allow, you encourage, what you can don't you own and what you tolerate, you deserve. And a lady by the name of Michelle Malkin said that. All right, lady. So my challenge to you today is to only permit and promote what you want to get and see more of. Okay. All right, ladies, I will see you in the next episode, make sure you hop over to our Facebook group so that we can continue the conversation over there. And if you have any comments, I would love for you to hop into my email at Angie, tonyRogers@gmail.com. And let me know,

Know what you're thinking. Hey, before you go, I'd love for you to hop over to my podcast and give me a review. And you know, I'd love five stars. That's how we can share this thing with other women, just like us. You're five stars and written review really helps me get the word out. You can also take a screenshot of this episode and tag me in your Insta and Facebook stories. And I'll give you a shout out right back, leaving a review and sharing this episode is the best way you can show me some luck. Thanks so much. And I'll see him the next episode. And remember your smile is like a boomerang, throw one at somebody and it'll come right back.

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