EP 29 How to Go 7 Levels Deep to Find out and Define Your Why- Why It's So Important to Dig Deep to Understand Your Why-Your Reason for What You Do, Dream, Say, and for How You See Love For Moms

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By Angie Tonini-Rogers | Intentional Life Coach - Balance and Boundary Strategist, Angie Tonini-Rogers | Intentional Life Coach - Balance, and Boundary Strategist. Discovered by Player FM and our community — copyright is owned by the publisher, not Player FM, and audio is streamed directly from their servers. Hit the Subscribe button to track updates in Player FM, or paste the feed URL into other podcast apps.

EP 29 How to Go 7 Levels Deep on your Why- Why It's So Important to Find Start Define your Why-Your Reason for What You Do and Love For Moms

Today, we're going deep... 7 levels deep. Let's talk about the seven whys, have you guys heard of this? It's, it's called lots of different things. Seven whys, 7 levels deep the 7 Why exercise... This is something that a lot of people use in coaching and in supervision leadership, as well as you know, a lot of sales teams use it to help motivate their, their workers.

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Welcome back ladies to this episode of Wholly Made Life. And I am actually in my car recording because I could not catch a break at home this week to get these episodes recorded. I mean, it's a never ending coming to and from and boys wrestling and dogs barking and a new corn team to have to start over. I mean, for the love of all mighty God, Jesus pray for me. So yeah my youngest had to go onto quarantine again because someone on the soccer team had been exposed or had gotten it and whatever the, whatever the specifics were and all of the kids had to quarantine again. So he's home again with me this week and I love him to life. But he is just a talker, not but, but, and he is just a talker and so it's not a possibility for me to record. So anyway, I had to run over to the school and pick up his, they call it the Wednesday folder. So I was like, well, you know what, I'm just going to hit record in the car and I'm going to talk about my episode. So then I was going to do for you guys and I don't have my notes or anything like that. So you guys just love on me and support me and just hang with me

And we will get this thing done

Then. Okay. All right. So actually today I wanted to talk about the seven whys, have you guys heard of this? It's, it's called lots of different things. Seven whys, 7 levels deep the 7 Why exercise? And yes, I'm saying the number seven and then why, W H Y and I think this is important. This is something that a lot of people use in coaching and in supervision leadership, as well as you know, a lot of sales teams use it to help motivate their, their workers. A lot of people use it within culture to create this missional culture where each person is connecting with their WHY by the way, a really good book. If you are wanting to connect with your why, or wanting to look deeper is Start with Why by Simon Sinek. , my gosh, Simon Sinek, S I N E K.

I'll put a link to the show notes to what his, where his book is. I don't get anything for sharing that you guys, I just when I find good stuff, I like to share it. So, and by the way, regarding that there are some things that I talk about and share on the show and I might have an affiliate link. And what basics, basically, what that means is that I get a small commission for sharing it. It's a way that if you click that link and you happen to buy a course, or you happen to buy a product that I am an affiliate of that it's just a good it's a nice way to be supported. And it helps me fund the efforts for the bucket. So there are some things that I am an affiliate of. One of which is I, I don't, I had lots, I don't know.

I don't like 12 people or something recently asked me, how did I start the podcast and all that stuff? Well, I took a course by Stephanie Gass. And so I am an affiliate of her course, because she gives you everything. You need to start a podcast. So when you go to ppu.atrogers.com, you can get her course. And so when you do that, I would get a small commission for that, just for sharing it. So that's how that works. So anyway, I just wanted to be upfront and open about that, but also I'm just, I don't, I am certainly for the, most of the stuff I talk about and I share on this podcast, I'm not an affiliate of, I just love this stuff. Like here's something else that I was going to mention later on, but I'll mention it now.

I go to a church called The Kingdom Center Church in Louisville, Kentucky, and my has written hundreds of songs. And she and her worship team called violent worship just released their EP of five songs. I'm in love with all of those songs, because number one, they're amazing life-changing songs. If you really pay attention and let the words move in you and let the Holy spirit move over you during that worship and praise, then you will be forever changed. And each of those songs have a different time and season in my life, but also I know and love and hang out with, and Just Life with all of the people that are on that album. So I, they're my friends and they're my family. And so when they do something great, I want to share it because I love them and I love what they do. And I also know that what they do impacts the world. So, you know, I just have that philosophy in life when somebody that is in my close circle or in my life is doing something great that I know is impacting people positively. I want to share them. I want to, I want to share that I want to share them. I want others to him be impacted in such a way that I have been and my wife. And so I just believe in sharing that and, you know, I don't get anything for sharing, you know, that related to violent worship, other than just knowing that you will be blessed and I'm blessed when you're blessed.

So anyway, if you have not gone out, you can go on iTunes and Spotify, wherever it's a violent worship, and it's a five song EP, and it'll change your life. If you let it all, I'm a big worship and praise person and music moves me like nothing else. So I'm always changed when a certain song hits me a certain way.

Get the Violent worship Album- Round 1 right here

So okay. So let's go back to the seven whys. And so what this is, it's seven questions deep. So basically when you think about something and you're, you're trying to look deeper, maybe you're trying to grow a little bit, you're trying to find out why it is that you do what you do, or why do you like what you like, or why does your heart's desire point in a certain direction, sometimes focusing and reflecting on

Asking why

Seven levels deep will help you get to what's under it. And I'll use a quick example and it might be a little messy again, cause I don't have any notes or anything with me, but so I thought about the doctorate degree that I'm getting the nursing I'm getting a doctorate of nursing and I only have the project left to complete and then I'll be done and graduated. Thank God. But I also still had the project under me and that's the biggest part other than the classes, that's the biggest part of the program. So I still have a little bit of weight, plenty of hours to get, but anyway, somebody asked me, well, why, why did you want

To do that? And so

The first level of my, why is just, you know, it could be something as shallow as

I don't know, or because I thought I had, I should. Or it, it seemed like the next step,

It's not really emotionally attached. It's it could be just kind of, it's just surface level. It's superficial. Okay. It's kind of a neat,

The jerk answer as to why you,

I might have done that. It might be a canned response or, or a politically correct response. Okay. So

Then if my answer is I don't know, then you might ask why, why don't, you know, and then I might say something like, well, I just

Felt like it was probably the next step and then someone would ask me, well, why would that be okay,

Next step? And then I might

Say in response, something like,

Well you know, for me,

See, I've talked about this before, especially in my episodes about recovering from perfectionism. For me it's about,

It was kind of, it's another title to add to my name. You know,

It seems like then it's a terminal degree. It's the last highest degree that I can get as a nurse. So it's about accomplishment. It's about

You know, about

That's the highest title quote unquote that I could get. So yeah.

Then the next question would be, well, why is that important to you?

Why, why do you need the highest title in your field? And then you start so about number three, about the third or fourth, why for sure you start to have to reflect a little bit deeper.

And the idea

DIA is that you continue to ask why until there's really nothing left to dig to you, get to the bottom, you get all the way to the bottom. If you stop at three, then you're still kind of in that BS phase a little bit, or that

The world answers

The canned answers, the politically correct answers are still kind of there. You're not really getting deeper into

What derives that. Why,

So right when we got to that question about, well,

You know, why, why do you need the highest title in your field snap?

That's right there where it starts to trigger me. And it triggers me pretty earlier me because I've done a lot of work. And I know

So what drives and has driven

And a lot of my decisions in my professional life, my educational academic life and my parent life being a wife, I know

That the worldly death

Of who I am and what that looks like, the worldly definition of what accomplishment is. I know that I have strive for that same reason why I don't. I cringe when I think about somebody showing up to my house unannounced because I haven't had time to make sure that all the rooms are tidy and everything is swept and the counters clean and the dishes are put away. You know, now I try to keep those little things, but we all live life. Right. And so I would not say that I just wasn't. I wish I was a lot, like some of my friends are and my sister. But I just don't feel like I'm a, the best

Home maker. Naturally

It's something I have to work at. So I feel a little, I feel less confident in that area. Like my decoration style, my housekeeping style. It's just not something that was a real focus. I was more action taker and a Dewar. I'm making sure people get fed. I'm making sure people get their stuff done. I'm making sure people get up. I'm making sure that we get home in time for this, that or the other, you know, I was a doer. I wasn't really a

It's not, I don't want to say I wasn't organized cause I am, I am, I do keep things organized. However, I always have a lot of things in the air. So I, I am much more organized when I'm able to outsource or delegate some certain things. And like, for me, me personally, when I think of housekeeping, I would love to delegate that housekeeping. Like I love to hire someone to come in and keep my house clean, just because I know that someone else has a better skill set. I keeping that organized and doing the actions that deal with that versus, Hey, quite frankly, the actions that are seen more outwardly, like I can hide a mess in my home, but I can't hide,

Hide myself in

The public eye or in

My field, my nursing field, for example, you know, when I have those letters behind my name you know, doctorate in nursing, that's a public recognition of some sort of accomplishment. So back to the seven why's, that is an example of how that starts to hit just a little bit deeper. And it helps, you know, I know I gone all the way down to the bottom, so this I'm not in a discovery process of why and

How I choose

To place value on different actions and different things. Like I placed a lot of value on titles, on recognition, on accomplishments. I go all the way to the bottom and I know where that comes from and why I do it.

And and on the surface level, just because I don't know that I'm ready to

Share it all out in the public because you know, family and things are still there and feelings can be hurt. And that is never my intention because my mom and dad did the best they could with the resources they had. And I'm grateful and I'm blessed and there's grace for all of that. I am not the perfect parent either. And so I think God, every day, there's grace for all the mistakes that I've made as a parent. But, you know, I

Was trying to meet

What I defined in my own head, the story I told myself of what my dad wanted from me and yes, my mom, but my, I always felt like my mom was proud of me regardless, but I always strive to make sure that my dad was proud of me. And one of the ways that I felt like defined accomplishment and success was letter grades in school. That was very, I, I felt like, and I am focusing on me. I felt like because you know, you know, that we all make up our own stories about certain things. We all make up our own narratives about what we believe others want from us. And this is what I was doing related to my dad specifically. But, and then that bled over to everything else. My teachers my bosses at work, like I placed expectations on myself that I had made up in my head that I thought that my dad and the teachers and, and bosses wanted for me.

And the only way that I was successful or worth anything in their eyes would be through these accomplishments. I hope that's making sense. So I know that now, because I've done this work. Okay. But some of it, and I've done this work specifically on this topic. Now there's other topics that I could go deep on and you know, that I haven't dug in the bar all the way to the bottom yet. So that's why the seven whys is so important. It's such an important exercise because it starts to hit you. And then, you know, as you grow and learn,

You discover more about yourself. You know, so

Even though I've discovered this about myself, and I know that my, you know, I'm 44 years old for much of my life, my actions were to get those accomplishments and be seen in the light of she's driven, she's successful. She meets the, you know, expectations. She's got all of these degrees, you know, all of these things because I thought that's what other people want

Wanted from me now. You know,

That doesn't mean that I don't still struggle with the fact that I don't want somebody to come into house and announce because I don't want them to walk in and think that I keep a dirty home. And again, my house is not dirty, but like we have three dogs. And so I have to sweep several times a day so that there's no dog hair on the floor. And sometimes I only do it twice a day or once a day, or maybe I go a whole day where I don't. And so there's dog hair on the floor, for example. Okay. it doesn't make me a bad person or a bad homemaker, but in my eyes, I want it to look like something that you've seen, you know, something that I've seen in one particular person's home. I can show up to the, I guarantee you, I can show up to that person's home.

And you know, all the stuff would be in order because that is her gift. She is a homemaker and she keeps her home, but that's her gift. It's just not mine. So, and, and the other thing too, is that I'm also, even in that, telling myself a story about what her, you know, she is and who she is and what her home is. So I just said, I could guarantee you, I could show up. I also, in reality, if I tell myself what the real story probably is, is that I could show up in her home and there would be something out of order because she's also not perfect. You know? So anyway, it's always about what we tell ourselves. Okay. So just be mindful. What is the story you're telling yourself about whatever this is? Okay. So back to the seven why's I told you guys, it might be a little bit over the, all over the place.

Cause I'm in my car. And I don't have my notes to keep me on drag. So, but so once you get to that three or four and you start to get that little twinge of, Ugh, this doesn't feel good, or I don't really you know, I don't know, or you're sick or you start to get frustrated. Like, I don't know, because just because, well, you don't get to answer because, because, because it's not an answer, it doesn't get you any further. Okay. It doesn't it doesn't force any growth when you just say because, and leave it. Okay. So you don't get to say, because I want you to pick a topic, pick something, maybe it's, why do you do what you do for work? Why do you let's see something that I get like in, in parenting, if I am nervous about my kid going to college, why, and then all the way down and you know, really it for me when I did this for about that, it came down to God asking me, well, Angie, do you trust me with your child or not?

I mean, he's mine anyways. I gave him to you to steward him and steward his growth, but he's mine. So do you trust me or not to take care of my child with God? You know? So when I got all the way to the bottom, that's what came up for me. It related to my anxiety, fear, worry about letting my child go all the way to Arizona. Okay. also what came up with that seven white exercise with that was, have I done enough as a parent? You know, I've failed in so many things. Have I done enough? Is he prepared enough? Does he have a good enough foundation

Of who he is as God

I called him to be of what his purpose spiritually is in this world to be able to use strength and make choices that are going to keep him safe, keep him progressing forward. You know, no parent wants their child to make mistakes in a way that impact their lives forever. Like, you know I mean you could think of anything dry getting in a car, drunk that one time and something happening, you know? I pray for grace and covering and protection for that. And I'm not saying my son said that. I'm just saying, that's an example of what we think about when you think about your kids going off to college and they're going to live that college life, but do they have that foundation? So it came up to my own thoughts about my own failures and being the mom, you know, or not being the mom that I should have been or not doing enough.

But again, when you go through the why's of that thought, I still ended up with energy. You trust me or not. Do you trust that I will stand in the gap for when you've made errors? Do you trust that I'm a forgiving father and I've forgiven you for the errors or mistakes you've made, do you trust that I will keep him safe and covered? And do you trust that he understands how to wear the armor armor of God, to be an overcomer in as the world pounds against them? Do you trust me or not? And so that's what it came down to. So you can see that this can get pretty deep. And so you want to take time, journal it out, just, just go through all of these steps about why, and when you start to feel frustrated or stuck then you know, just go another level deeper.

And if you're truly stuck and you truly need a little bit more help with this, then just reach out to me. I mean, I do sessions with people coaching sessions that we could do a short 30 minute power session and go through one of these topics that you feel like you're struggling with, or you're trying to find some clarity on or we can do a more intensive session. That's more, it's an hour long. So anyway, I help people that get stuck with this, but these are things that you can also do on your own, you know, journal through these steps, you know, another big one that comes up and the guys, I also want to let you know, I am hoping to have a guest on here soon about finances, because a lot of you guys are taking the short term assessment or the not short term. The Holy life made short assessment. Finances are a huge deficit area, a huge area where we, we are identifying that. We need some changes in me too. So I'm hoping to have someone on that will help with that. So be looking forward to,

And, but that's a good one,

Another great Y to Y exercise to go through about financial freedom. I want financial freedom.

Okay. Y and then, you know,

And the next answer might be so I can pay my bills. Okay. But why do you need to pay your bills? And then you're going to go deeper and deeper and deeper. And then you're going to end up realizing that it's about, because I want to spend quality time with my family. And I don't want to have to, you know, I don't want my children's children to have to worry about their finances or worry about not having a place to live, you know, so,

Okay.

So this is something that you can do around whatever you want, financial freedom. You're the way that you love yourself or care for yourself joy or happiness. So you start with a very general question. Well, why, you know, I want, I just want to be happy. Well, why? And take it all the way seven levels deep and seven is just a quote quoted number. It's just a guy. If you need to go to 10 debt level seat, then go to 10. If you need to go to 15, go to 15. If you get to the very bottom in five or six, then that's good. Now I would challenge you if you're doing less than seven to really see for real, is there any deeper that you can possibly go? Okay. So I would love to

Hear more from you guys about whether or not what you've learned in doing this, because what I want you to do, I would love for you to do is just go through and journal, just pick something and journal seven levels deep on the, why do the, why exercise and then hop over to the Facebook community group and share it. I can put a post in there when I post about this episode to put under there, what did you do? Your seven, why exercise on and what did you learn? And again, these are just exercises that we can do to grow, because remember we're all growing or should be growing. We cannot get to our destination without feedback, without growth. We can't, you know, a C can't bus through the ground, unless it grows a train, can't get to the state, to its destination and less, the track is giving it to feedback on the way. Okay. We all have to grow. If you stop growing, you die. I mean, there's no, there's no, that's a black and white. You're either growing or you're

Your dad. And that can be in physical or the spiritual.

Okay. The you've got to keep growing. You've got to want to continue to grow and learn and challenge yourself. So I highly, highly recommend that you try this exercise about something that is either frustrating or bothersome or just something you've wanted. You want to explore a little deeper. Okay. All right, guys. Well, I will see you guys on the next episode. Thank you for being patient with me as I rambled through not having my outline together so that I keep me on track and also being in the car. So you guys make it an amazing day.

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