EP 11 Salty Taste in Your Mouth? Enough with the Gossip, Girl! How to Become the Best Friend, Mom, Wife, Sister, Co-Worker You've always Wanted to Be Accountability Series Part 5

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By Angie Tonini-Rogers | Intentional Life Coach - Balance and Boundary Strategist, Angie Tonini-Rogers | Intentional Life Coach - Balance, and Boundary Strategist. Discovered by Player FM and our community — copyright is owned by the publisher, not Player FM, and audio is streamed directly from their servers. Hit the Subscribe button to track updates in Player FM, or paste the feed URL into other podcast apps.

EP 11 Salty Taste in Your Mouth? Enough with the Gossip, Girl! How to Become the Best Friend, Mom, Wife, Sister, Co-Worker You've always Wanted to Be Accountability Series Part 5

Hey girl, what's up. Welcome back to Wholly Made life. So I want to ask you, do you have a salty taste in your mouth? Have you ever heard that saying, Oh, she's just salty or that let this salty taste in my mouth. So physiologically, that means that your taste buds are becoming more sensitive to salt. So you have a higher salt taste in your mouth, or you have a higher concentration of salt in your saliva that can happen when you get dehydrated. So the first suggestion is to drink more water, water hydrates you okay. It's healthy for your body. It, it, um, flushes out toxins. So we're going to talk about this, not necessarily an actual salt, but I want you to think about this analogy as salt being gossip. Are you ready for today's episode? Let's do it.

In this episode is going to be short, but sweet. Well, maybe it won't feel that sweet. Maybe it'll feel a little spicy. It might make you even feel a little salty about what we're going to talk about. But I want to challenge you to think about gossip as the salt that makes you feel salty, or like you have too much salt on board. I think it's important to think about this in this analogy, because that's what happens. The more gossip you participate in, the more salty you start to feel about situations and people and the water, the stuff that's going to flush out. Those toxins are the actions we're going to talk about that we can take to take back our lives so that we don't have to feel so salty and so dehydrated. All right. And I apologize ahead of time because I am doing this for my laptop without my microphone and headset, because I'm sitting here watching my youngest Bryson outside, doing an episode of naked and afraid, except that he's closed, uh, he's into this whole camping thing where he's building a Fort and shelter and little places to build fires and all of these things.

Uh, I love that kid. He's so creative…anyway. So I'm out here at the kitchen table with my laptop and just getting this episode recorded for you guys short and spicy. Okay. Uh, we're going to talk about the final episode and the accountability series. And that is on gossip. I alluded to this a little bit in the episode related to taking offense, uh, and choosing how that's a choice, uh, to take offense or not to take offense. And even though it's hard, it brings up the feelings and things within us that, you know, when we hear something or a part of an interaction, or maybe we are listening to our pastor preach and we get that feeling of emotion that comes up. Now, some of us have worked a lot on this and we may be a little further along where we don't really get that feeling of offense, but others may not be so far along or haven't practiced that skill of recognizing when those feelings come up for you, that feel convicting.

For example, when somebody at work says something to me as a leader, if I've done or said something and somebody at work says something to me that I have, uh, upset them, hurt them. They didn't like the way I did something. And I feel a little bit emotional about that. I started to have some feelings, rise up, maybe I feel a little convicted or defensive. Those are all feelings that come up for us that we just need to stop and identify, what is this feeling? Where's it coming from? Why am I feeling it? And what can I do about it? And being intentional about identifying what those feelings are, so that then we can control our thought around those feelings. So that's what we talked about in the last episode. If you, haven't not in the last one in, um, episode nine, we talked about the taking offense or not taking offense.

So if you haven't listened to that, you can go back and listen to that just for some ideas on how you can take back that whole premise of choosing to take offense or not to take offense, being mindful of when you are feeling offended. Okay. So on to gossip. So we talked about when you are offended or you're feeling offended, and you have that conversation with someone else about the way you're feeling or about that interaction, that, that then involves someone else in that trap. Uh, we talked about becoming offended and then acting in that offense because right, as a trap, not only for you and that other person in that relationship, but once you share that information with someone else, you are luring them into the same trap that you are now in. And that other person in the relationship is in. And we talked about how, if I don't like something Susie said to me, and then I go and share that with Emily.

Now I've involved Emily in something that arose from an emotion that I had, some stuff that needs to be worked on within me, but because Emily is loyal to me or because we're better friends or because maybe she's had a bad interaction with Susie. Now, she is taking on that spirit of offense about Suzy. That damages not only my relationship was with Susie, but now I've entered information. Given information to Emily that has, has caused her to now hold something, hold a grudge against, or feel offended by something Susie did. And what Susie did her said had nothing to do with Emily. So you see how that creates that circle or that web of, um, this place where we're all trapped within this spirit of offense that leads into what gossip is. The Bible is very good, clear about our actions engagement in gossip in that we should not engage in it.

There are so many scriptures that point to the power of our tongue, the words that we say, the accountability and responsibility we'll have about the words that we say. So I just wanted to talk a little bit about how we've got to be intentional about what we're saying and who we're saying it to. It is so often that something is happened between two people. And then you come, you hear from one of those parties, let's call it this one, Jacob and Jesse. So Jesse comes to you and he is upset with something that Jacob has done or said, you're the friend in this situation, you're the person they're coming to. Oftentimes that turns into a, he said, she said, or in this case, Jacob and Jesse, and he said, he said, and so the person that's receiving this information has to make a choice at that point on how they're going to respond.

Are they going to play into what Jessie's saying without knowing all of the facts? Because a lot of times what gossip is, is just pieces of information that we, or may not, we may or may not have all the information about. So we're making judgment on something without having all the facts. This goes back into the episode, uh, assuming positive intent that we talked about, where we assume that we know all of the information about the situation and we make judgment against that situation. Or we come to a conclusion about a situation when the reality is, is we're really playing Mad-libs with our life. We are just inserting what we think happened based on what we know about Jesse and Jacob based about our own feelings based about our own past experiences. We're making something up without having all the facts. So that's what gossip turns into is just pieces of information that then we attach definition to emotion too.

And it spreads like a cancer. It is something that is damaging on all levels to all parties, to the receiver, to the sidelines, to the, up to the, down, to the all-around it is damaging to anybody that it impacts. So let me talk a little bit about some of the Bible verses that, talk about this, uh, Ephesians four 29 says, let no corrupting talk, come out of your mouths, but only such as good is good for building up as it fits the occasion that it may give grace to those who hear. So what I try to do, and none of us are perfect. You guys. So when we're talking about this being accountable, this is a daily walk. Sometimes it's a minute by minute walk. Okay? Every second we're faced with choices faced with information that we have to make decisions about. So it's an act of being intentional with the information that we have and the information we share.

So it's a daily walk, it's a daily practice. So I don't want anybody to feel like so that they can't do something different because every second, every step, every breath, every word is an opportunity to do something different and do something better. We're all striving to be better tomorrow than we are today. I want to be a better parent today than I was yesterday. Heck I want to be a better parent today right now in the moment. Then I was this morning, okay. We all do insane things that we wish we could have done differently. The point is we're being intentional and trying to pause and stop and think about the information that we've received and think about our own reactions and responses to those things. Before we respond and think about if I do or say this thing, what's the intention behind that? What is the outcome going to be?

What is, what could the outcome be? Especially when you're thinking about sharing information that you've heard from someone else or participating in a conversation that's about someone that's not there and present to be able to defend themselves or add in their facts about the situation. Proverbs six, 16, 19 says there are six things that the Lord hates seven that are an abomination to him, haughty eyes, aligned, tongue hands, that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked plans, feet that make haste to run evil, a false witness who breathes out lies. And one who sows discord among brothers. Now let me ask you, in most cases, if you think about the last time you participated in a conversation that had to do with someone or something that wasn't there. Okay. Let's say you were sitting in a group in the person that was being talked about, was not present.

Think about that situation. Was that a situation that was sewing a blessing and favor towards the person that wasn't present? Or was it a situation or conversation that could have been sowing discord against that person that wasn't there? Was it a conversation that you would have had in the presence of that person? I tell that to my kids all the time, first of all, lead your life, be a man of character, um, or be, uh, be a man who has a character of integrity is what I meant. Integrity is doing the right thing when nobody's looking, doing the right thing, because it's the right thing, not the easy thing or not, because you're going to get in trouble. If you don't do it doing the right thing when nobody's looking, because it's the right thing with social media. And I just had this conversation with one of my kiddos recently with, okay, that post, when you look at that post, think about if your Mimi sees that, think about if your pastor see that, think about it.

I see that. Think about if your teacher saw that, is that posts something you are comfortable with that person seeing when you think about these people that are close to you, people that matter to you, if that's a post that you wouldn't, if that's a conversation that you wouldn't have in front of your Mimi or me or whoever, or if that's a picture that you would feel uncomfortable with your Mimi, seeing Mimi like grandma, then you shouldn't post it. So it's about being intentional about what it is we're putting out into the world. Not because we want to put on a show or present something that's not true, but because we want to try to be obedient with who it is we're called to be, and we're not called to destroy other people or present ourselves in a way which is not in alignment with who it is we are.

And we're called to be, when you think about conversations that you're part of or are having, and that the object of that conversation is not there. That the, the person with whom it's about is not there, then think about why are you having it? And number two, would you have that same conversation in the same tone, in the same context, if that person was present? And if you can say yes, then it's probably a conversation that's okay to have. Okay. Unless you're saying to me, Oh yeah, I haven't. Cause I don't care what she thinks about it. Well, that's not really in alignment with who it is we're called to be and how it is we're supposed to, supposed to love our brothers and sisters. Okay. Let's see. I want to just bring up a couple of other scriptures and you guys there's, there's like hundreds of scriptures.

I wish I knew how many times gossip was referenced in the Bible. Somebody listening probably knows that if you do send me a message and let me know that is Matthew 12, 26, I'm sorry, Matthew 1236. As I tell you, on the day of judgment, people will give an account for every careless word they speak. So that's it carelessness the lack of deliberate being deliberate, the lack of intention. So that's really it as simple as it gets being intentional about what we're talking about, about what we're reading, about, what we're, um, listening to about what we are watching about or what we're posting on social media, being intentional and trying to think about is this, what's the goal of that conversation? Is it to build somebody up? Because if it's not to build somebody up, then what's it for? Is it to destroy? Is it to get somebody on your side?

Is it because you are trying to make somebody look less than or worse than you, which that comes out of jealousy or envy? Is it simply because we don't know what else to talk about with someone maybe we're uncomfortable about making small talks. So we start talking about other people, is it to try to get the attention off of us because we're not comfortable or we don't want anyone to ask questions about us, maybe we're insisting. Sure. So what's the intention of what is you're talking about and you guys right now, I have, I always try to, Hey, very close attention to what I listen to, what I watch, what I see. Like I do not watch the news. I do not the only way I know, and this is, I want to be mindful of what's going on in the world around me. And so I do hear about those things, but I do not watch it and hear it myself.

I am intentional about when I hear about something, I am intentional about the sources that I go to, to look up what has happened. Okay. So it's not that I don't know what's going on in the world, but I am very intentional about just sitting and watching the news or reading the newspaper because guys that comes from people and it comes from perspectives of the people, writing it and producing it. So you just have to be mindful of that music. I could not tell you what the most popular song is out right now. I could not tell you because I don't listen to music. Like in my car, I listened to positive podcasts. Mostly of most of them are Christian based, or I listen to worship music. You guys want really good worship music, go check out Lisa. Brunson's a couple of songs she just released.

Uh, she's absolutely amazing. And I'm waiting on the violent worship EAP to release, but that's just the plug for some music that I love listening to comes out of my church. I mean, I'm telling y'all we have probably one of the most talented worship teams in the world. I'm just saying, and it's not, because I think there's something wrong with listening to secular music or anything like that. It's just that I try to make the best of the time that I have in the day. And while I'm driving, that's the only time that I'm not preoccupied with anything else other than driving. And it's a great time for me to listen to stuff that I am intentionally listened to, to something from. So it's not that listening and secular music is bad in of itself. And this episode, I'm not going to go into that anyway, but I just wanted to point that out.

It's not that I, some getting to choose that never listens to secular music. It's just that I try to use the time that I have. I try to bend time. Honestly, is something else that I do is that every time I'm in the bathroom while I'm by myself, I always pray out loud because I'm trying to bend the time that I have in my day to add stuff into my day. Okay. But anyway, the point is, is that I'm very intentional about what I listen to. I mean, my kids know when they're in my cart, like my kids sometimes choose not to ride with me and they'll ride with my husband and said, or Clayton because they know, um, they're about to hear a podcast. I mean, honestly, is it, am I a bad mom? If I'm okay with them riding with somebody else so that I can have that 15, 20, 30 minutes by myself, you guys, what I, one of the things I miss most about my commute to work is that 45 minute commute is that time I had by myself for 45 minutes just to be by myself.

Okay. No, that doesn't make me a bad mom just makes me real. Okay. So the other thing is that I can tell a difference with who they've been riding with. Uh, when I hear Bryson walking around singing, uh, worship music, it's because that's what he's been listening to. So there's something very real about what it is. We fill our time and space and mind with that impacts what it is we do and say, it's, there's something very real about that. This is why reading scripture every day, doing daily devotional, spending time with God being in your church, community, being surrounded with people with like-mindedness though. That's why that's so important. My pastor always says what you touch, touches you back. And that's a hundred percent true. It's not that anything's wrong with listening to music. Like I love the nineties. And if you asked me what my favorite music is, it's going to be something from the nineties.

But I am intentional about what I listen to because I, I want to make sure that what feels up my mind in the times where I'm not really being intentional about what it is I'm doing. I want the positive stuff to come up first. Okay. The worship music to come up first in my head versus California love from back in the nineties, uh, with Tupac and Dr. Dre y'all know what I'm talking about. Okay. Um, that's really kinda what I wanted to talk about related to gossip. It's just the best thing that you can do is number one, not participate. Number two, just be intentional. And if you're bold and courageous enough, speak up when you're in a car that doesn't have to do with someone that's not present, or that has to deal with someone that's not present. Okay. Back to my quick, uh, analogy at work.

When somebody comes to me with an issue, when Jessica comes to me with an issue with Josh, I equip Jesse to be able to understand, first of all, I point him in, on himself on what he can do differently, how he can go back and address the situation in a way that would hopefully encourage a positive outcome repair in a relationship. If that's been damaged, maybe help him see that there could be other perspectives or pieces of information that he may not have been privy to and help him think about the situation a little bit differently. And then if, if Jesse can't do that or is not comfortable doing that, then I pulled, uh, Jacob in and the three of us have a conversation where I allow them to have the conversation because one hun, well, 99.99% of the time there's been a miscommunication or a misunderstanding between the two of them.

And they, they thought one mint, something else. When they said a certain thing, they filled in the gaps. They mad-libbed that conversation between the two of them. They thought, you know, Jacob thought Jesse meant this. And Jesse thought, Jacob meant that. And the reality is, was it was just a miscommunication to begin with because, you know, they didn't fill in the gaps with truth. They didn't give each other enough grace or forgiveness, or they just didn't ask the other person what they meant by that. They didn't, they weren't honest with the way the interaction made them feel with each other. So that three way then helps each of them see, Oh, wow, there's a different perspective. Or, Oh, wow. I didn't mean that at all. That's not at all. What was happening? What was happening was this, this, and this had just happened. I was upset about this.

And so I was short with you when you asked me that question, it wasn't about you. So, so much can be resolved when you actually try to fill in the gaps with real factual information. And you actually go to that person and find out how they feel about it, or what happened with them back to your bull courageous action. When you're in a conversation where you hear people talking about someone who's not present, why not just say, Hey, has anybody talked to this person about this? You know, were you present? Did you actually see this interaction happen? Or is this hearsay? Do you have all the facts to the situation? You know, I think it would only be quote unquote fair to have her be present for a conversation or for you to go to her and ask her what she thinks about what happened.

Okay. It takes more time to do this, but it, so it's so much more beneficial to your relationships when you can do it. And when you're intentional about the reasons that you are having conversations, it's so much more beneficial to your relationship. And it's freeing to not have to be burdened by gossip because gossip is a burden on the person that speaks it on the person that it's about and on the ears that hear it, it's a burden. So let's be bold enough to not create more burdens for ourselves and for others. All right, sisters, all right, that's it for the accountability series for now, this was a hard series for me to talk about because as I stated, we're all walking this out every day and nobody has it all right, yet. Nobody is perfect with this yet. And nobody will ever be. It's always a day to day decision.

It's always with, you know, one step at a time, one day at a time, one word at a time, one thought at a time, one action at a time, just break it down to bite size pieces, break it down to one conversation and practice the skill of stopping and thinking about the outcome that could occur with whatever it is you're going to say next or with however it is, you're going to respond in this situation. Well, ladies, we are on to the next, the next few episodes are going to be about how to create your balanced, Holy made life. Okay. We're going to go back to talking about the pieces of our pipe. I'm really excited about it. And just as a reminder, I am taking clients right now. Uh, I have one hour sessions available right now. I have a couple of half-hour sessions available as well, but I can help you walk through this thing.

We can come up with actionable steps for you to either be more accountable in certain areas of your life, or just start to balance out those places that feel a little bit out of whack. Okay. So if you're interested in that or have questions about that or have any feedback at all, or maybe it's a testimony or a story about what we've talked about, then go ahead and drop that into the email. It's always in the show notes. You just click that email and send me a message. And I'm here for, I love hearing from you guys because I want to know what you want to talk. You want to hear me talk about, and I want you guys to be part of the conversation. All right. All right, sisters, I'll see you

On the next episode. Hey, before you go, I'd love for you to hop over to my podcast and

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62 episodes