Ep. 267- Non-Binary Success


Manage episode 321434817 series 2900187
By Brenda Lomeli and Master Coach Brenda Lomeli. Discovered by Player FM and our community — copyright is owned by the publisher, not Player FM, and audio is streamed directly from their servers. Hit the Subscribe button to track updates in Player FM, or paste the feed URL into other podcast apps.
Society teaches us to think of our goals and ‘achievement’ in a very limited binary way, either SUCCEEDED -OR- FAILED.

And this socialization goes deep, we've most definitely been programmed to think this way. Not only that, but our brain also defaults to whatever the most ‘efficient’ way of thinking about things, so it LOVED putting things into ‘easy’, quick categories.

Here’s what ALL of this means for YOU and YOUR WEIGHT LOSS GOAL:

It can be SO EASY to feel like a failure. It can be SO EASY to feel like you’ve failed and to feel shame and deeply flawed.

→ Then when you’re feeling like you just can’t seem to lose the weight you want to lose and/or it’s taking too damn long- ALL OF THESE THOUGHTS AND EMOTIONS ARE WHAT LEAD TO QUITTING AND SABOTAGE.

The quitting and the sabotage, then lead to stuckness and struggle

THIS IS WHY IT IS SO INCREDIBLY IMPORTANT to be onto yourself for any binary assessment, evaluation or judgment of your results.

I see this all. the. time. (and I experienced it myself for 2 decades!)

Someone will have a goal of losing 35 pounds- and then proceed to lose 28 of those 35 pounds in 6 months (that’s more than a pound per week!) BUT THEN feel like a FAILURE for ‘not getting to my goal’.

The craziest part is THIS: Because that person is feeling like a failure… they will start to tell themselves that ‘it’s not working’ (although it is!) and then STOP doing what IS working. Start going back to the habits that create weight gain.



You have to CHOOSE TO SEE what IS working, what you ARE doing.

You have to CHOOSE TO SEE (and celebrate!) the results and changes you HAVE created.

You have to teach your brain to STOP making your success BINARY.

Meaning: STOP thinking about yourself and your goals in a way that if you don’t hit your exact goal in the exact timeline that you had in mind ---> then you think of yourself as a failure, and you think of yourself as ‘having failed’.

The reason that I am able to CONTINUE every year creating breakthrough after breakthrough is because I REFUSE TO EVALUATE MY RESULTS IN A LIMITED BINARY WAY.

THIS mindset is exactly what allowed me to put an END to my weight struggle, and have breakthroughs ALL the way to the results I was wanting- NO MATTER HOW LONG I HAD STRUGGLED- and no matter how much learning and de-conditioning of habits and behaviors had to happen along the way.

The reason I'm always able to EXPAND MY ABILITIES, MY CAPACITY and MY RESULTS (with any goal, but including my weight goal) is this:

- I don’t set expiration dates on my goals.

I absolutely set dates, and I have timelines for my goals… BUT *IF I don’t ‘hit it’ by the time I thought that I would, I don’t make it mean it’s not possible or that I’m not capable - instead I CHOOSE TO FEEL PROUD for ALL THE NON-BINARY SUCCESS up to this point thus far.


→ I LOOK AT ALL I'VE DONE. All I've learned. All the NEW AWARENESS I have. and so much more.

AND* (VERY IMPORTANT) I ALSO - without judgment - look at the areas where there is continued opportunity for growth, learning, further development of specific skills, and further growth in my belief.

I am willing to be curious about ANY limiting beliefs or ways of thinking I may still hold, that are potentially getting in the way. (so I can weed those suckers out!)

The most ironic thing of all- ESPECIALLY with weight loss goals… Is that when you think about or evaluate your results in a BINARY way, that only keeps you feeling like sh*t.

Especially if you’ve had patterns of emotional eating, the more we feel like shit about ourselves- the more we feel like a ‘failure’ → the more we emotionally eat and sabotage.

NON-BINARY SUCCESS is where it’s at.

THIS approach will keep you moving IN the direction of your exact goal AND experiencing ongoing new breakthroughs in your results in a way that FEELING LIKE A FAILURE- NEVER HAS AND NEVER WILL.


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