Connell Barrett: Dating Sucks, But You Don’t - How To Exhibit Radical Authenticity


Manage episode 295586539 series 2421902
By Brad Kearns. Discovered by Player FM and our community — copyright is owned by the publisher, not Player FM, and audio is streamed directly from their servers. Hit the Subscribe button to track updates in Player FM, or paste the feed URL into other podcast apps.

Today we’re talking about dating and the true secret to romantic success with a real expert, Connell Barrett, author of the book Dating Sucks, But You Don’t.

This show offers a ton of unique and interesting insights (even if you’re not single and on the dating scene) that will help you build confidence and open your eyes to the ways we can all improve our interactions with people.

A long time prominent golf writer turned dating coach, Connell used to be shy and lonely, and totally dateless. Living in the friendzone. But then he finally found a woman who liked him, and they got married.

She dumped him nine weeks later. And Connell knew it was time for change. He went on a five-year long globe-trotting quest to understand the art of male-female connection, and now, he can fix any dating problem (perhaps because he’s already had every dating problem?!). During this show, Connell talks about his book, Dating Sucks But You Don’t, the essential guide for men looking for love, and shares the true secret to romantic success.

You’ll learn about why looks just don’t matter (Connell says that good looks are like jacuzzis: “nice to have but way overrated”) and this also goes for other myths about attracting a great girlfriend, like height, money, or a 6-pack. Connell talks about why consent is sexy, and then gives some helpful tips for anyone navigating looking for love in the time of #MeToo (he also points out that for men with integrity and good intentions, dating today is easier than you might think.) We also have a great discussion on how to handle anxiety when meeting people in real life in the time of internet dating, and Connell shares his foolproof method for overcoming “approach anxiety.”

Connell has appeared on Access Hollywood and the Today show, and has been published in Maxim, Cosmopolitan, Oprah Magazine, and Playboy. He’s also the official dating coach for The League — an exclusive dating app for high-achieving singles — and an advisor for AskMen and EliteDaily. Connect with him on Instagram here.


Dating problems occur at some time for all of us. This dating coach brings some interesting insights. [01:34]

Getting out of the “friend zone” can be a struggle. [05:06]

You cannot fake or force the chemistry between two people. [12:16]

Radical authenticity is showing the real you and showing how you are feeling. [17:40]

If you are traumatized from your previous relationship breakup, you need to do some work on yourself before you start dating. [22:12]

Rather than focusing on her attractiveness, think more about talking, being open. [28:55]

When Connell is coaching, he takes the client out for on-site training. [30:25]

Connell talks about his real-life journey from a broken marriage to dating coach. [33:44]

We have to embrace rejection. It isn’t as bad as we think it is. Just do not reject yourself. [36:23]

What can women do to up their game? [37:56]

Women are attracted to guys who have confidence. [42:24]

Golfing and dating overlap. If you don’t have confidence you can rely on courage. [44:00]

Why is approaching women so hard? Learn if she rejects you, you are still a man. [48:07]

The pandemic affected the singles scene. On-line dating is okay, but we are meant to interact in person. [54:09]

How does a person know they are just settling? Have an abundance to choose from. [57:07]

Our current generation approaches this dating/marriage situation differently than our parents’. [01:00:49]

Your online dating profile should be very authentic. [01:07:16]


Join Brad for more fun on:

Instagram: @bradkearns1

Facebook: @bradkearnsjumphigh

Twitter: @bradleykearns

YouTube: @BradKearns

We appreciate all feedback, and questions for Q&A shows, emailed to If you have a moment, please share an episode you like with a quick text message, or leave a review on your podcast app. Thank you!

Check out each of these companies because they are absolutely awesome or they wouldn’t occupy this revered space. Seriously, Brad won’t sell out to anyone if he doesn’t love the product. Ask anyone.


This free podcast offering is a team effort from Brad, Daniel, Siena, Gail, TJ, Vuk, RedCircle, our awesome guests, and our incredibly cool advertising partners. We are now poised and proud to double dip by both soliciting a donation and having you listen to ads! If you wanna cough up a few bucks to salute the show, we really appreciate it and will use the funds wisely for continued excellence. Go big (whatever that means to you…) and we’ll send you a free jar of Brad’s Macadamia Masterpiece as a thank you! Email to alert us! Choose to donate now, later, or never. Either way, we thank you for choosing from the first two options! :]

Support this podcast at —
Advertising Inquiries:

314 episodes