Episode 12: Overcoming the Pain of Divorce
Manage episode 335015959 series 3345776
Divorce is so rarely discussed yet it touches all of us—whether you've gone through a divorce or love someone who has. That’s why I’m so grateful that Eryn Eddy bravely went there with me today. This is such an honest conversation about the pain of divorce—and the compounded pain that comes afterward.
She speaks with nuance & humility about the loneliness of a distant marriage, and how discovering the secrets that led to that distance didn’t come out until after she’d shouldered most of the blame. She is upfront about owning her own stuff, even as she *finally* realized it was not her job to own his.
Before we dive in, I want to highlight 2 points:
—If someone is telling you: “If you were more godly or if you were more loving, then HE wouldn’t do XYZ (porn, cheat, drink. . .)” that’s called *blame shifting* and it’s toxic.
—If your spouse is narcissistic, couples therapy likely won’t work. And it could end up hurting you. (See this episode podcast page for resources.)
Here’s what we discuss in this episode:
1. You can be loved well as a child and still bump up against toxicity in your adult relationships
2. How doing all the “right things” didn’t work.
3. How the pursuit of attention outside of marriage is often more subtle than we like to admit
4. Why loneliness or pain in marriage is so hard to talk about
5. How secrecy in marriage can lead to confusion and self-blame
6. How Eryn learned to “date herself” and find validation apart from men
7. Why it’s important to both own our mistakes *and* show compassion to ourselves for what we do when we are in pain
8. How she learned to trust a new therapist after a bad experience
Connect with Eryn on Instagram @eryneddy or @soworthloving
Find a list of resources for this episode here
Sign up to receive Dr. Cook’s weekly email and receive 2 free e-books and a guided prayer reflection here
Music by Andy Luiten
Sound editing by Kelly Kramarik