The Building Blocks of Connected Relationships: How INFJs Can Discover Our Deepest Needs, Wants, and Desires


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By Jillie Lozanoff. Discovered by Player FM and our community — copyright is owned by the publisher, not Player FM, and audio is streamed directly from their servers. Hit the Subscribe button to track updates in Player FM, or paste the feed URL into other podcast apps.

Today we are diving into self-discovery: the first pillar of building healthy, connected relationships. As INFJs we often are so focused on emotionally caring for our partner that we forget about our own needs! We also sometimes minimize or downplay our needs because we fear being rejected, feeling like a burden, or being perceived as needy.
INFJs greatly desire to feel *understood* in relationships. It's important to acknowledge that feeling understood also means feeling loved and accepted, AND that we must first offer compassion to ourselves before we can hope to receive it from a partner.
The first step to feeling understood by our partner is to get to know ourselves better. Today's episode looks at some practical ways we can discover and learn more about ourselves.
The different life areas we can explore and prioritize include:

  • Health
  • Spirituality
  • Fun or Recreation
  • Work (business or career)
  • Romance
  • Family
  • Friends
  • Personal Development
  • Finances
  • Education
  • Volunteering
  • Community

I recommend choosing 4-6 priority areas for this exercise.
We can also explore our personal values. I believe that values help to bridge the gap between who you *are* and what you *do.* Values can help to guide our decisions, so that we make decisions that are right for us and not only decisions based on the feelings and needs of other people.
The different values discussed in this episode include:

  • Honesty
  • Integrity
  • Growth
  • Commitment
  • Connection
  • Compassion
  • Resilience
  • Humor
  • Reliability
  • Follow-through
  • Playfulness
  • Trustworthiness

There are hundreds of values, these are just a few examples! I recommend choosing 5-10 values and using them as a compass to guide your daily actions and choices.
Finally, we explore the different levels of personal fulfillment, which include:

  • Requirements (survival): Basic physiologic and safety requirements
  • Needs (wellbeing): We won't die without them, but we will operate at a deficit
  • Wants (quality of life): Starting to move from neutral to positive; having our wants met increases our life satisfaction
  • Desires (fulfillment, inspiration, pleasure): Activities or sources of joy that move us from neutral to positive

Please take the time to journal and reflect on these areas: It is only by deeply knowing, understanding, and accepting ourselves that we can receive these areas of meaningful depth and connection from our romantic relationships!
Join us for Q&A Thursdays! If you have questions about this episode or any area of romantic relationships, I want to hear them!
I created a form on the INFJ Growth website where you can submit any questions you have about INFJs and relationships.
You can find the form here:
Feel free to ask questions at any time during Season 2, and I'll answer them on an upcoming Q&A Thursday! Ask me anything!
My goal is for us to explore real life examples using the cognitive function toolbox to help you navigate your relationships with self-awareness, clarity, and confidence!
If this episode resonated with you, I'd love to hear from you! It's so important for us to be here for each other, and to know we're never alone.
You can connect with me at, or send an email to :)
I love you all!!
~ Jillie🖤🌿🌟

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