19 Nocturne Boulevard reissue of the week: TROPHY CASE

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By Julie Hoverson. Discovered by Player FM and our community — copyright is owned by the publisher, not Player FM, and audio is streamed directly from their servers. Hit the Subscribe button to track updates in Player FM, or paste the feed URL into other podcast apps.

Inspired by the classic 1920s Shudder Pulps, a mad scientist has captured a set of victims and forces them to play his hideous game! Warning: Mature themes and brutal violence- Seriously

Three men, chained in a dungeon! Beautiful women in peril! An evil genius doctor! Villanous minions!

Written and produced by Julie Hoverson

Cast List Garth Jenkins - Chris Stockett Klaus Heinz - Lothar Tuppan Luigi Marconi - David Collins-Rivera Dr. Chnossos - Chris Stockett Grace - Risa Torres Nathalia - Tanja Milojevic Amelie - Julie Hoverson Susanne - Sara Falconer Helga and Oda - Julie Hoverson Mongrel Henchmen - Danar Hoverson & Reynaud LeBoeuf

With thanks to The Vault of Evil - where I encountered the dreaded Shudder Pulps!!!

Music by Conspiracy (via Jamendo)

Editing and Sound: Julie Hoverson Cover Design: Brett Coulstock

"What kind of a place is it? Why it's a dank dungeon room, sometime in the 1920s, can't you tell?"

****************************************************************************

TROPHY CASE

Cast:

Garth Jenkins, American athlete 25

Klaus Heinz, Prussian pilot 27

Luigi Marconi, Italian strong man 30

Dr. Chnossos - wheelchair nutjob 60

Amelie, French girl 20

Nathalia, Russian girl 20

Grace, British girl 20

Susanne, American girl 20

Helga, German girl 20

Oda, Swedish girl 20

MONGREL HENCHMEN [any age]

OLIVIA Did you have any trouble finding it? What do you mean, what kind of a place is it? Why, it's a dank dungeon room, in the early 1920s, can't you tell?

  1. ROOM WITH BOX, TEASER

MUSIC

SOUND DOOR SLAMS

GARTH See if there's something to bar the door with!

AMELIE I can't see - it's too dim in 'ere!

SOUND [outside] YELLS! THUMPING ON DOOR

GARTH [grunts, holding door shut]

ODA They are right behind us!

NATHALIA We should kill them. Then they will never catch us.

GARTH We gotta try and stay ahead of them.

GRACE There's a box over here!

GARTH Can you move it in front of the door?

GRACE Help me, someone!

ODA [plaintive] Is it heavy?

GRACE It's big. Need to get it away from the wall.

ODA [uncertain] I'll help.

SOUND GRIND OF WOOD ON STONE

GRACE and ODA [grunt, pushing]

SOUND SWOOSH OF BLADE

ODA [SCREAM, gurgle]

GRACE [Scream of fear]

SOUND BODY DROPS

ODA [whimpers, expires]

GRACE [covering mouth, trying to stop screaming]

NATHALIA [excited, but not afraid] She is dead!

GRACE [hiccuppy gasp, gets control] That blade just came out of the wall when we pushed the box!

AMELIE [to Grace] You come with me. We will 'old the door and let monsieur look. [up to him] Je ne sais - eh - we do not even know your name!

GARTH Garth. Garth Jenkins.

AMELIE I am Amelie. [hinting] And this is--?

GRACE [almost composed again, but still sniffling] Grace. I can't believe it. [starting to lose it again] How could something like that... happen..?

AMELIE 'ere. Lean on the door with me.

GARTH Well... Stay back, ladies.

NATHALIA I can see perfectly well from here.

GARTH Ok. She's dead, all right. That blade must have been on a tripwire of some kind.

NATHALIA It cut her nearly in half.

AMELIE What is this tripwire you speak of?

GARTH A trap. He said there would be traps. I guess you need to know why we're here...

MUSIC

  1. FLASHBACK DUNGEON

SOUND CHAIN, SCUFFLE, ECHO, DRIP

LUIGI [muttered, in pain] Mamma mia!

GARTH Wowsers. My aching head.

KLAUS [snort of indignation]

SOUND CHAINS RATTLE

LUIGI Hey now! This is an outrage! Who are you to do this-a to me!

GARTH Do what? I can't see a thing. What's someone doing?

KLAUS [calm, superior] Someone has locked us all in chains.

  1. CHNOSSOS [over intercom] Yes. [evil chuckle] You are all my prisoners.

GARTH Wowsers!

LUIGI It is an outrage!

  1. CHNOSSOS Yes, yes. I am outrageous.

GARTH [to doc] You should let us go. The American government won't like this one bit. No sir.

LUIGI [to doc] You watch yourself, funny guy! You come-a let us out now, and maybe we don’t-a kill you dreadful!

KLAUS Shut up! [they do] I wish to hear what this man has to say.

  1. CHNOSSOS Very good. I said I am your captor, and this is true.

GARTH Hey!

LUIGI Outrage!

  1. CHNOSSOS I have brought you here to play my game. [evil chuckle] I thought that would silence you. I am Doctor Chnossos. Perhaps you have heard of me? [waits, no reply, then grumpy] Probably for the best. I am a secretive genius. [upbeat again] You see, I have it in mind to find the perfect male human specimen in the entire world, and have narrowed it down to you three.

GARTH Specimen? I ain't no specimen!

LUIGI Mamma mia! Look no further! I am the strongest man alive! No one can stand before me!

KLAUS [musing] Fascinating.

  1. CHNOSSOS Through exhaustive research, I have narrowed it down to you. Garth Jenkins, All-American football star, Olympic runner, and gold medal swimmer.

GARTH I can hold my breath for three minutes!

  1. CHNOSSOS Luigi Marconi, European strongman and champion wrestler.

LUIGI I snap you like a twig!

  1. CHNOSSOS And Klaus Heinz, fencing master, ace pilot, and big game hunter.

GARTH Really?

LUIGI Pilot, like the Red Baron?

KLAUS I see no point in denying it.

  1. CHNOSSOS The game is simple. See who makes it out of my little labyrinth alive.

GARTH Wowsers!

KLAUS Hmph.

LUIGI Santa Maria!

  1. CHNOSSOS There is only one exit. Somewhere out there in my maze. And only one of you may leave. [ominous] Ever.

GARTH You want us to... kill each other?

LUIGI I'm not-a that kind of feller.

KLAUS It could not be so simple.

  1. CHNOSSOS You are right. It is not that simple. I do not care who dies, only who escapes. Kill or do not kill - that is no concern of mine.

GARTH Good.

  1. CHNOSSOS BUT... whichever ones are left inside will surely die, for I will seal the door the minute an escape is made.

KLAUS Of course.

LUIGI Dios mio!

  1. CHNOSSOS And, of course, my beloved maze - it is full of traps!

MUSIC

  1. Box room

AMELIE They 'ave stopped. At the door.

NATHALIA Should we open the door and look?

GARTH I don't think so. It could be a trap.

GRACE [cold] If what you say is true, this entire place is a trap. I for one would rather die than fall into their hands, if they're anything like the fellows I saw [falters] before... before--

AMELIE oh! Moi aussi!

GARTH Nobody's dying!

NATHALIA [snort]

GARTH Nobody else!

SUSANNE [distant] [horrible screams!!! THEY GO ON A LONG TIME]

AMELIE Mon dieu!

NATHALIA We need weapons.

GRACE I wish she would stop!

GARTH Well, I've checked everything I can think of on this box. Looks like I can open it, though after what happened, I wish I had a good old pool cue or something to let me stay back.

AMELIE We will stay by the door.

GRACE Out of your way.

SOUND SLOW CREAK OPEN BOX

GARTH I just wish I knew what that crazy doctor wants with-- [breaks off in surprise] What the hay?

NATHALIA What is it?

GARTH The box is full of ... [a little worried] weapons.

MUSIC

  1. FLASHBACK DUNGEON

GARTH Why in blazes are you doing this?

  1. CHNOSSOS As I said, I must see who is the most perfect male. Since you each have your own strengths--

LUIGI Strength! That is what I have.

  1. CHNOSSOS --there is no direct comparison except through competition. To begin with, those chains--

SOUND CLANK, CLATTER AS CHAINS FALL AWAY

  1. CHNOSSOS --must come off. There is no contest in watching strong men starve to death. Speak amongst yourselves. I must go and prepare the next challenge. [evil laugh]

SOUND NOISE TO INDICATE SPEAKING SYSTEM IS OFF

GARTH You! Fellows!

KLAUS Ja?

LUIGI Donchoo come-a no closer!

GARTH See here, we should work together. If there's danger here, cooperation will be the best thing for it.

KLAUS [considering] But this voice - he said that only one can win.

LUIGI And that one - its'a gonna be me, by all the saints!

GARTH That's all fine and dandy, but right now we're just three fellers in a dark room. Let's at least stick together til we find a way out. Or some light.

SOUND DOOR GRATES OPEN

KLAUS I think you get both of your wishes.

SOUND KLAUS WALKS

GARTH Hey, not so fast! It could be a trap!

KLAUS I think it is too early in the game for that. No. This is merely an opening move. I will make the first counter move.

SOUND LUIGI GETS UP

LUIGI I'm-a gonna wait and see what happens to that bosch before I step up. No sense a-both of us getting killed alla the same time, eh?

GARTH It looks safe ...so far.

MUSIC

  1. BOX ROOM

NATHALIA Weapons? Guns?

GARTH No, no guns. Hold on.

SOUND STUFF BEING MOVED, JUST A LITTLE

GARTH Huh. [almost a chuckle] A good old pool cue. Stay back!

AMELIE Why? Should we not 'elp?

GARTH I saw something move. I'm gonna see what I can...

SOUND SOMETHING FLOPS ON THE FLOOR

NATHALIA A whip! I'll take that.

GARTH You know how to use it?

NATHALIA I had a very unusual ... boyfriend.

AMELIE 'Ow unusual?

NATHALIA [laugh] Oh! Your face! He worked with the circus. Trained animals.

GRACE I don't suppose there might be a riding crop in there? I'm a dab hand with close cuts.

GARTH Stay back!

SOUND THUMP ON THE DOOR

AMELIE 'Elp me 'old the door!

GRACE [grunt, she throws herself against the door] Find us something we can use - quickly!

SOUND THUMP ON THE DOOR

MUSIC

  1. dungeon
  2. CHNOSSOS Come in gentlemen. [evil chuckle] I can see that physical perfection is no guarantee of courage.

LUIGI I ain't-a no coward - donchoo say that!

KLAUS [from off] I think you had best come in here.

GARTH Come on.

LUIGI I'll a-go first.

SOUND WALKING

GARTH Holy moley!

LUIGI Santa Maria!

KLAUS Most charming, are they not? Sleeping peacefully in their night shifts.

GARTH Look, here, you! It's all very well to challenge us fellows, but this--

  1. CHNOSSOS The six ladies you see before you are the most beautiful women in the world.

LUIGI You ain't a-kidding!

  1. CHNOSSOS You might recall a recent article about the loss, at sea, of the boat carrying the finalists in the world beauty pageant?

GARTH Jumping jehosephat!

KLAUS [aha] Of course!

LUIGI That explains-a everything!

  1. CHNOSSOS It was all a ruse - the boat DID sink, but not until I had "relieved" it of its lovely cargo.

GARTH And the rest of the passengers and crew?

  1. CHNOSSOS Unnecessary. They went down with the ship. Couldn't have anyone left behind to inform the authorities of my presence, could I?

KLAUS What is the matter with the girls? Why do they not awaken?

  1. CHNOSSOS Oh, it's been much easier to keep them drugged until now. They should be coming to any minute. Before they do, I should tell you the rest of the rules of the game.

LUIGI Game? This ain't-a no game!

GARTH Shh. Let him talk.

  1. CHNOSSOS No one escapes without a woman. I need two perfect specimens - a male and a female.

KLAUS You sound like you plan to start a master race.

  1. CHNOSSOS I leave that to others. Each of you must choose one of the women for your companion.

LUIGI What do we -uh- do with the girl?

  1. CHNOSSOS [juicy] Anything you like. But you must keep her alive until you find the exit.

KLAUS Do you have to keep the same woman?

  1. CHNOSSOS Any woman will do. That's all the same to me.

MUSIC

  1. BOX ROOM

SOUND THUMP ON DOOR!

GRACE They're going to get through any second

SOUND WHIP CRACK

NATHALIA [vicious, excited] Let them.

GARTH Here's a knife, and - oh!

SOUND THUMP OF KNIFE INTO BOX

GARTH Got it!

SOUND THUMP ON DOOR

GRACE [gasp, strain] Got WHAT?

GARTH Something spidery. Probably poisonous - that's why I'm taking this kinda slow!

SOUND SPIKE COMES CRUNCHING THROUGH DOOR

AMELIA [gaspy scream] Be more quick!

NATHALIA Let it open.

GARTH All right. On three, both of you, move over there, quick! I don’t want to lose nobody else.

SOUND THUMP, CRASH!

MUSIC

  1. dungeon

GARTH What about the others?

  1. CHNOSSOS What?

GARTH The other girls. There's six of them and only three of us. What happens to the others?

  1. CHNOSSOS [nasty wicked] Don't worry. They won't be alone for long. [evil chuckle] You think I run this place single-handed? I have a horde of ..."men" just waiting to [insinuating] make the ladies' acquaintance.

GARTH You fiend!

KLAUS Very clever.

LUIGI You put this into our hands? You make-a this all our fault!

  1. CHNOSSOS [taunting] Your fault? Why, no! Think of it this way - you each get to save one of these ladies from their fate!

GARTH A fate worse than death!

  1. CHNOSSOS Just because those left behind are.... mmm... doomed.

GARTH Well, we won't leave any, will we? [beat] Will we?

KLAUS It will make it very difficult to succeed, herding a flock of women through a maze.

LUIGI I like-a the ladies, but they can be a little hard to manage.

SOUND GIRLS BEGIN TO WAKEN

GARTH You heels. [up, to doc] Hey! What if we don't leave any of 'em behind? What about that?

  1. CHNOSSOS You can make that choice if you want. And of course, should any of them die in the traps in this maze--

GARTH Die?

  1. CHNOSSOS --and I assure you gentlemen, the traps are very very deadly! You might do well to take more than one, rather like a spare tire - since no one will make it out without a distaff partner.

KLAUS Nein.

GARTH No, Six.

KLAUS [exasperated sigh, then "duh"] No. I will burden myself with only one. Easier to watch over.

AMELIE [waking, very French] Oh la la! Ou et la?

LUIGI But how do you propose to choose who gets a-which a-one?

GARTH We should make up our minds now - before they all wake up and start a ruckus.

NATHALIE [russian-sounding mutter]

KLAUS I have already decided. I will have this blonde one.

SUSANNE [waking up] Oh!!

GARTH Why's that?

KLAUS Simple. She is the smallest. Easiest to carry, should something happen. You, girl.

SUSANNE [gasp, American] What? Where am I?

GARTH Hey, you should leave her to me. She's from the good old U-S of A!

KLAUS Too late. Come with me, girl.

SUSANNE I don't want to--

KLAUS [threatening] Do not argue with me. This is a matter of life and death!

  1. CHNOSSOS Too right you are. For in five minutes, that green door on the far wall will open and a few of my choice minions will be let loose in this room. And you know what will happen then... [evil chuckle]

GARTH Holy cats! We better get a move on.

LUIGI But where a-do-a we go? There's the dreadful green door, and the way-a we came in, and then--?

SOUND GRATING OF STONE

KLAUS How convenient. Three doorways open. Come girl. I will keep you alive.

SOUND GRABS UP SUZANNE

KLAUS And we will make our exit, stage left.

SUSANNE But I don't understand!

KLAUS I will tell you all you need to know. [commanding] Come!

SOUND THEY LEAVE

AMELIE And 'oo will tell us all we need to know?

LUIGI French? Eh! I have always favored French girls. I'll take-a you.

AMELIE [defiant] Take-a me where? I do not think so!

LUIGI [getting mad] Don’t argue a-with-a me! You won’t-a getta better chance-a than this!

GARTH You better go, lady. Bad things are gonna happen here.

AMELIE Huh! And no bad tings will 'appen with thees fellow? Hah!

LUIGI Atsa your bad-a luck, then. You--

HELGA Ja?

LUIGI Do notta speak. Just come.

SOUND HUSTLES HER OFF

AMELIE Hmph. Adieu.

MUSIC

  1. BOX ROOM

SOUND MAN CHOKING

GARTH Leave off!

NATHALIA [with exertion] He would be doing worse to me, were our positions reversed!

GARTH We already killed three of them! We should keep him alive, make him tell us how to get out of here!

NATHALIA Very well. [lets up, then hissed] You! You will take us through the maze, or He will leave you to me again, and strangling you is NOT the most painful thing I can do with this whip.

SOUND CREAK OF LEATHER

MONGREL [gasping]

GRACE Are we certain the others are dead?

GARTH Best as I can be.

AMELIA I want 'is spear. Anything to keep terrible things at arm's length.

GRACE I guess that leaves me the knife, unless you want to dig further into that box.

SOUND CREAK OF WOOD

GRACE The box! It's tipping forward!

GARTH Dang it! [to the captive] YOU! Where do we go from here?

MONGREL [gibbers in his language]

GARTH Don't tell me he don't speak no English!

AMELIA If he does not speak, then he is no use!

NATHALIA Da! Then he is mine!

MONGREL No! No!

GRACE There's an opening under the box - and the darkness! It's moving!

AMELIA Spiders!

NATHALIA Bah! A whip is useless against such as those - we must leave here!

MUSIC

  1. DUNGEON

GARTH Gosh. I can't leave any of you girls here alone. That wouldn't be right.

AMELIE We can look after ourselves.

NATHALIA Speak for your own self! I want him to look after me.

ODA Someone tell us, please, what it is that is going on?

GRACE Yes. Can’t you fill us in?

GARTH Not here, not now. We gotta get moving - bad things are coming.

GRACE Bad things? Could you be a bit more vague?

AMELIE [troubled] That voice over the intercom - it said that. I think he is sincere.

GARTH We'll get a move on, and I can tell you as we go.

ODA You are taking her with you?

GARTH Darnitall, I'm taking all o' y'all.

MUSIC

  1. HALLWAY, KLAUS

SUSANNE [distant, still screaming and gasping, and sobbing]

KLAUS Verdammt. She must be behind the wall here, somewhere. [noise as he kicks the wall]

GRACE [distant scream]

KLAUS My apologies, miss America. But there remain other fish in the ocean.

SOUND HE WALKS AWAY FROM SUSANNE'S SCREAM

MUSIC

  1. FLAShBACK TO BOAT

SOUND CALM OCEAN, DISTANT MUSIC

SUSANNE Gee, this is swell!

AMELIE You are recovered from your mal-de-mer?

SUSANNE One hundred percent! Gosh, even seasick sounds so much nicer in French, don't it?

AMELIE [laughs]

ODA Oh, here is where you are! It is almost time for the curfew.

AMELIE I don't think it is so dangereuse, to steal a few more minutes of this lovely ocean air!

SOUND FEET APPROACH

GRACE Ah, I'm not the only one with a mind to an evening constitutional? Makes one sleep quite soundly.

SUSANNE Is that another boat out there?

AMELIE [shrug] Eh. There are innumerable boats in the ocean.

SOUND BELL

SUSANNE Yeah. I swear it's coming right at us.

ODA [a bit worried] Oh, come along, we must obey the rules!

SOUND THEY WALK INSIDE, DOOR OPENS

GRACE You'll forget all about strange boats once you get around some warm milk, and tuck up for the night.

MUSIC

  1. HALLWAY, LUIGI

HELGA I cannot move another step!

LUIGI [threatening] Ahhh! You know what-a will happen to you if-a you don't!

HELGA [stifled sob]

LUIGI Open that door.

HELGA My hand is still bleeding from the last door!

LUIGI So. You still have one-a good hand. [growl] Open it.

HELGA [sobbing breath]

LUIGI [warning noise]

HELGA [takes deep trepidacious breath, pushes door open]

SOUND DISTANT EXPLOSION

HELGA [gasp!]

MUSIC

  1. FLASHBACK TO BOAT

AMBIANCE BOAT

SOUND EXPLOSION

NOTE GIRLS HAVE BEEN DRUGGED, ARE GROGGY

SUSANNE What? What's going on?

SOUND STUMBLING TO DOOR

SOUND HUGE CREAK, THINGS SLIDE

SUSANNE What the - oh!! [stumbles, gasps for breath]

ODA Why is the world sliding to the window?

SUSANNE I'll try to [gasping breath] try to get to the door--

SOUND STAGGERING FEET

ODA Don't leave me! I cannot swim!

SUSANNE I'll just--

SOUND DOOR FLIES OPEN

MONGREL [evil laughter]

SUSANNE [screams]

ODA What is it? Oh! [screams]

MONGREL [evil laughter]

MUSIC

  1. OUTSIDE BOX ROOM

SOUND WHIP CRACK

MONGREL [scream of agony]

NATHALIA [ecstatic gasp, laugh!, sound of effort as she brings her arm back for another slice]

SOUND CREAK OF LEATHER, CATCH HAND

MONGREL [whimpering]

GARTH [ugh as he stops her] Here, now, that's enough of that!

NATHALIA Hmph. That one will be of no help!

AMELIE We cannot merely stand 'ere in the corridor! Something will come!

GRACE She's right. We should keep moving along.

NATHALIA This one goes first. If he will not help us find the way, his only use is to find the traps before we do.

SOUND CLUNK, BEHIND A DOOR

GARTH Shh! There's something in that room up ahead!

SOUND GRAPPLE

MONGREL [whimper]

NATHALIA Open the door, you beast!

MONGREL [negatory noise]

NATHALIA [intense whisper] You think I've hurt you already? You have felt nothing yet!

GRACE Here, now - that's quite enough!

NATHALIA Back off, limey! I have no wish to die!

GARTH Ladies!

AMELIE The only one 'oo wins, if we fight, is the monster 'oo put us 'ere!

NATHALIA If this thing is not going to open the door, it certainly will not be me!

GARTH [determined sigh] I'll open the door. You three, stand back. Keep an eye on him.

NATHALIA [muttered] Teach your grandmother to suck eggs.

SOUND DOORKNOB SLOWLY TURNS

MUSIC

  1. HALLWAY, LUIGI

SOUND ZIPPER

HELGA [sobbing]

LUIGI Get up.

HELGA No. I will not.

LUIGI You should be grateful I would even touch you - you sniveling thing.

HELGA I have lost everything. My hand. My... dignity. And now this ... insult.

LUIGI [nasty whisper] Think of it as a compliment. One last chance to feel like a woman.

HELGA [hissed, angry] I might feel like a woman, if you felt anything like a man!

LUIGI You bitch!

SOUND SLAP

HELGA [gasp]

LUIGI I am your only chance to survive. Once we get out of here, you can go to hell!

HELGA [fiery] You can go to hell right here!

SOUND SHE RUNS OFF, LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY

LUIGI What?

SOUND TAKES A COUPLE OF STEPS, RUSTLE AS HIS PANTS FALL, HE TRIPS

LUIGI [falling, ahhh! Oof!]

HELGA [distant - laughter is cut off by a shrill scream, in turn cut off in mid-scream]

SOUND HEAVY THUMP OF A BLADE, DISTANT

LUIGI Biiiiitch!

MUSIC

  1. HALLWAY, GARTH

SOUND DOOR OPENS

GARTH It's dark.

AMELIE Do not go in. I'll light something off one of these flames.

GRACE What will burn well?

GARTH I'll open the door the rest of the way, see what I can see-- urk!

SOUND SCUFFLE!

AMELIE Garth?

GRACE Oh god!

NATHALIA Bring it out into the light!

SOUND STRUGGLE STOPS

KLAUS [from within] Step back, ladies. We are coming out.

GARTH [half strangled] Why I oughtta....!

KLAUS Shh! This knife says you are now the quiet one. [up] I suggest you ladies all move over there. Unless you want your hero to have a very close shave.

GRACE Nathalia! Come here!

NATHALIA [angry noise]

SOUND CREAK OF LEATHER, HER ANGRY FOOTSTEPS

KLAUS Danke shoen. Let us be Civilized about this.

GRACE Go on then.

GARTH Civilized? Urk!

GRACE [low and intense] Do not anger the man with the knife!

KLAUS The ever practical britisher. Hah! I find myself without a companion.

GRACE Susanne?

AMELIE [gasp]

NATHALIE Fiend!

KLAUS [cold, tinged with anger] She was snatched from behind me by one of the minions. I turned and saw her pulled through a door, which I could not open.

GRACE So, being practical, what are you doing here?

NATHALIA Is it not obvious? He needs a new woman.

KLAUS Ja. [wry] Have I a volunteer? Or must I resort to threats?

AMELIE You are not going to kill 'im?

KLAUS Not if one of you comes with me. We will walk down the hall, and he will accompany us as far as the intersection there.

AMELIE Why should we trust you?

KLAUS You have my word as a Prussian.

GRACE And the others?

KLAUS [matter of fact] Wait here. He will come back for you. He is such an honorable schoolboy. Is it a deal, my fine fellow?

GARTH [gasping a bit] Only if the ladies agree.

GRACE One of us will have to--

NATHALIA I will go.

AMELIE What, you want to go with 'im?

NATHALIA Perhaps I am this tired of boy scouts. Should I take my pet along with me?

SOUND KICKS

MONGREL [Urk]

SOUND FLOPPY FALL

GRACE Goodness, I think he's... dead!

MUSIC

  1. HALLWAY, LUIGI

SOUND TRICKLING, DRIPPING NOISES

LUIGI Dios mio! Such a mess. Stupid woman!

SOUND DOOR OPENS, DISTANT

LUIGI Too bad-a this blade is too big to take with me. I am-a left with the same club of wood. No more blades up above? [considering noise, scanning the ceiling] No. nothing else a-looks tricky.

SOUND CAREFUL STEPPING OVER, FOOTSTEP IN STICKY PUDDLE

LUIGI [ech! Disgusted noise]

SOUND DISTANT FOOTSTEPS, BOOTS

SOUND LUIGI WALKS QUIETLY OFF, STICKY FOOT

MUSIC

  1. HALLWAY, LADIES

AMELIE What if 'ee does not return?

GRACE He can't get out without one of us. He must come back.

AMELIE [odd tone] But... 'ee can only leave with one of us.

GRACE We'll sort that all out when we get that far.

AMELIE [musing] Oui. We will.

MUSIC

  1. HALLWAY, KLAUS

SOUND SHUFFLING FOOTSTEPS

KLAUS There. Now, you must admit I have done you no more harm than I had to.

GARTH [angry sigh] Yes.

KLAUS And you swear you will count 20 before you move?

GARTH Yes.

NATHALIA [cold] I do not see why you should not kill him, eliminate the competition now.

GARTH Nathalia!

NATHALIA Garth, dear boy - you are adorable. But this is life and death, tovarisch.

KLAUS [furious hiss] I have given my word, woman!

NATHALIA [fierce, But backing down] Very well!

GARTH You should get a move on. For all we know that eyetalian fellow is already on his way out the exit.

MUSIC

  1. HALLWAY LUIGI

MONGRELS WATCHING, ON THE LEFT, GENERAL CONVERSATION

MONGREL [babbling]

MONGREL2 [babbling, slightly higher voice]

LUIGI [on right, whisper] Bastardos!

SOUND ROCK SKIPS ACROSS FLOOR

MONGRELS [gasp to a stop]

SOUND WEAPONS COMING TO READY

MONGRELS [shushing each other]

LUIGI [whispered] Now for the bait.

SOUND JUICY DRAG NOISE, FLOP

LUIGI [whispered] Look at that a-shapely leg, boys. How can you resist?

MONGRELS [murmur - excited - wolf whistle]

LUIGI [high pitched gasp, mimicking a girl]

SOUND STICKY FLOPPY NOISE, PULLS SEVERED LEG BACK

MONGRELS [nasty chuckle]

LUIGI Just a few... more... steps...

MUSIC

  1. HALLWAY, GARTH

SOUND WALKING, TAPPING AHEAD WITH A STICK

GRACE How will we know the exit when we find it?

GARTH I guess, from what he said, I assumed it would be obvious.

AMELIE Do not pester 'im. 'ee is doing the best 'ee can! [to Garth, warm] I trust you, completemente!

GARTH [a little uncertain] Well. They went thataway, so I figure we should try this direction.

GRACE Perhaps he knew something?

GARTH I don't think so.

AMELIE Whichever way you wish to go is fine. I am right behind you, [sexy] always.

GARTH Come on, then.

SOUND THEY TAP AND WALK OFF

MUSIC

  1. HALLWAY, KLAUS

SOUND SCUFFLE, SWOOSH, THUMP, CREAK OF LEATHER

KLAUS [heavy breathing] That was too close!

NATHALIA My God! That would have cut me in half!

KLAUS You look much better in one piece.

NATHALIA If we do not escape-- [leaves it hanging]

KLAUS This doctor says we will be sealed in here. Do not worry. I will kill you quickly. And then find a way to end myself as well.

NATHALIA Before you do that, we must find a place where we can ...enjoy one last minute together.

KLAUS If it was only a minute, I would call it an insult to both of us.

NATHALIA [ecstatic deep breath]

KLAUS [Deep breath] [clipped, cold] But for now - Let us try still to win, before we plan to celebrate defeat.

MUSIC

  1. HALLWAY, LUIGI

SOUND FIGHT!

LUIGI [grunt]

SOUND CRUNCH

MONGREL [squeal, ends in gurgle, dies]

LUIGI Hah! That's-a for you.

SOUND BODY DROP

SOUND SMACKS HANDS CLEAN

SUSANNE [muffled gasp, behind wall]

LUIGI Eh?

SOUND SCUFFLE

SUSANNE [sob]

LUIGI Where are a-you?

SUSANNE Who - who is it?

LUIGI [low chuckle, then muttered, satisfied] It’s-a someone who needs him a woman.

MUSIC

  1. HALLWAY, KLAUS

SOUND WALKING APPROACHES, STOPS

NATHALIA Borje-moi! Another dead end!

KLAUS [furious!] Gott in Himmel! [deep hissed breath, calming himself] Pah! At least going this direction, we know where the traps are.

MUSIC

  1. HALLWAY, LUIGI

SOUND DOOR GRINDS OPEN

SUSANNA [hoarse shriek] No more! Please!

LUIGI Come out of there. We need to move along!

SUSANNA [whimper] You're not one of ...them?

LUIGI I am one of-a me. And I need one of-a you. Come now, girl, or I will leave you to their mercies.

SUSANNA Noo!!!

LUIGI Come out!

SUSANNA But I-- [whimpers, sniffles] They took my clothes!

LUIGI You can-a walk naked, can’t you?

SUSANNA [cries]

LUIGI Fine. I take-a you something from these-a dead fellows, eh?

SUSANNA Just anything. Please.

MUSIC

  1. HALLWAY, GARTH

SOUND TAPPING, OFF TO THE LEFT

GRACE I know what you're about!

AMELIE Whatever do you mean?

GRACE This helpless act, and agreeing with everything poor Garth says. He won’t be fooled.

AMELIE I am fooling no one. I truly agree with 'im. Is it so bad that I wish to survive?

GRACE I shan't play this game.

AMELIE She 'oo does not play cannot 'ope to win!

GARTH [coming in] Seems clear up ahead. Come on.

MUSIC

  1. HALLWAY, KLAUS

SOUND WALKING

KLAUS Shh!

SOUND THEY STOP

SOUND DISTANT DOOR OPENS

KLAUS [whispered] stay close!

SOUND QUIET STEPS

KLAUS [whisper] This way.

MUSIC

  1. HALLWAY, GARTH

SOUND WALKING

GARTH [whispered] Big open room ahead. Stay right here, and keep an eye out behind, got it?

AMELIE [fervent] Absolutment!

GRACE [clipped, a bit sour] Yes.

SOUND HIS FOOTSTEPS, THEN A GRATING NOISE

GARTH A gate! Quick! Come on!

AMELIE It's coming down too fast!

GRACE Slide!

SOUND GRATING STOPS

GARTH [grunts - effort - holding up the gate] Come... On! Quick! Get under!

GRACE Go!

SOUND DISTANT MUTTER OF MONGRELS

AMELIE They are coming!

GRACE Move your shapely posterior!

GARTH [lots of effort] Quickly!

AMELIE [breathing heavily] Oh! Oh! I am clear!

GRACE My turn, I think.

GARTH HURRRRRRY!

GRACE Oh! Something's grabbed my foot!

AMELIE [quiet] oh no.

GRACE Help me! Amelie! Ahh!

GARTH [straining] I can't hold it much longer!

AMELIE [dithering] Oh... [decides] Oui. Give me your 'ands!

SOUND HANDS SLAP TOGETHER

BOTH WOMEN STRAIN

GRACE I'm loose! Quick, Pull!!

AMELIE Uuuh!

SOUND RIPPING OF FABRIC

GARTH It's slipping!

SOUND CLANG! PORTCULLIS DROPS

GRACE Good god - If my feet were a size larger, I'd be lost. Amelie. Thank you.

AMELIE [upset] pas du tout. It was nothing.

  1. CHNOSSOS True - I fear your heroics were for nothing, mademoiselle.

AMELIE [gasp]

GARTH What are you talking about?

  1. CHNOSSOS You are too late.

SOUND GRATING ACROSS THE ROOM, SCUFFLE AS KLAUS AND NATHALIA ENTER

GARTH Too late? Too late for what?

  1. CHNOSSOS The Italian. He has found the exit. And even though his female was.... damaged goods... I never specified they had to make it out in pristine condition.

KLAUS And now what is to happen?

  1. CHNOSSOS I have what I wanted. You are ...expendable.

SOUND SPEAKING TUBE BEING CLOSED

KLAUS That door - Is that the exit? Do you know?

GARTH I guess I thought it was.

SOUND DOORS OPENING, ALL AROUND

SOUND FEET ENTER

MONGRELS [many] [laughing evilly]

KLAUS There must be dozens of them!

GARTH Quick! Circle up! Face outward.

NATHALIA No mercy!

SOUND WHIP!

GRACE Amelie, Come on!

MUSIC

  1. THE WINNER

SOUND MELLOW MUSIC PLAYS, CHAMPAGNE POURS

LUIGI So. What-a is it that I win?

SOUND MACHINE WHIRS, ENTERING

  1. CHNOSSOS [not on speakers] You are the perfect male specimen.

LUIGI I coulda told you that from-a the beginning.

  1. CHNOSSOS You are lucky I was only looking for physical specimens. Morally, I fear you are ... flawed.

LUIGI [shrug] You never asked for morals. You don't-a seem like the type.

  1. CHNOSSOS No. I have never been overburdened with morals. Scientists can’t afford such luxuries.

LUIGI [scoffing] Scientist? A dried up old-a walnut of a fellow like-a you?

  1. CHNOSSOS You should be more polite to your host.

LUIGI I think-a we are past that. So? What do I win?

  1. CHNOSSOS Have some more champagne and I will tell you everything.

MUSIC

  1. STILL IN THE MAZE

BACK TO OUTER ROOM

SOUND FIGHT HAS ENDED. HEAVY BREATHING ALL ROUND

MONGREL [groan]

KLAUS [grunt as he stabs the man]

GARTH That looks like the last one moving. Everyone okay?

GRACE I think Amelie is hurt. Her thigh.

AMELIE It's just a scratch.

GRACE Why don't you see if you can get the door open? I’ll see to this.

NATHALIA I will watch for any other ... enemies.

KLAUS So, [wry, but with humor] my fellow loser, do we go and take our prizes?

GARTH That sounds jake to me! Let's get that door open!

MUSIC

  1. INSIDE DOC'S LAIR

SOUND DOOR CRASHES OPEN

  1. CHNOSSOS [on speakertube] So, you have managed to escape!

KLAUS Ja.

  1. CHNOSSOS You are too late!

GARTH All we want to do is get the heck out of here, doc! You try and stop us, and we'll give you what for!

NATHALIA We are not going to find and kill this beast?

SOUND LIMPING UP BEHIND

AMELIE [whimpers, gasps]

GRACE We simply do not have that luxury. It is more important to get ourselves clear. [to Amelie] Come along.

KLAUS [to doc] I doubt that there is one of us who would want any prize that came from the likes of you!

GARTH [to doc] Just you stay out of our way! You hear?

  1. CHNOSSOS Go on. Leave. I have no need for any of you.

MUSIC

  1. BOAT

SOUND OCEAN

SOUND CREAK OF BOAT

SOUND FEET APPROACH

GARTH All clear. And there's even some food in the galley.

KLAUS Get the ladies on board.

GARTH Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

KLAUS That leaving this ... villain... to roam at large is somehow dishonorable?

GARTH I just wanted to whup his fanny, but that sounds real reasonable.

NATHALIA [breathless, worried] You're not going back in there?

KLAUS Ja. And I am coming back out. [quiet, intense] You are fierce. That will give me the inspiration to return.

NATHALIA [gasp]

GARTH Hey.

GRACE Yes?

GARTH Is she... is she doing okay?

GRACE [resigned] She'll survive. Thanks to you. Now go on. Make the world safe for all of us.

GARTH Right. Come on, Klaus.

MUSIC

  1. AMBIANCE DOC'S LAIR

SOUND DOOR BROKEN IN

SOUND JUICY PLOPPY CUTTING NOISES

GARTH and KLAUS [react as they stumble in]

  1. CHNOSSOS No! Stay away! I am not finished!

GARTH Holy Cow!

KLAUS Mein Gott!

  1. CHNOSSOS You will not take away my perfect specimen!

GARTH I don't want it.

KLAUS But you, old man, must be stopped.

  1. CHNOSSOS Nooooo- Urk!

MUSIC

  1. OUTSIDE

SOUND TWO MEN WALK BACK TO THE BOAT

SOUND BEHIND THEM THE PLACE BURN

KLAUS Mein gott. That could have been either one of us.

GARTH We can’t tell none of them girls what we saw in there.

KLAUS There is no reason they should need to know.

GARTH Good. You and me, Klaus old buddy, are the only ones who will ever know what the winner of this damned game was gonna get.

KLAUS ...Skinned and mounted as a trophy.

END CREDITS

1042 episodes