Ruth Reymundo Mandel Amp David Mandel public
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These podcasts are a reflection of Ruth & David’s ongoing conversations, which are both intimate and professional and touch on complex topics like how systems fail victims and children, how victims experience those systems, and how children are impacted by those failures. Their discussions delve into how society views masculinity and violence and how intersectionalities such as cultural beliefs, religious beliefs and unique vulnerabilities impact how we respond to abuse and violence. These f ...
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Are children domestic violence victims in their own right? Are they co-victims with the adult survivor? What is the relationship between the child and the adult survivors’ experiences How do we hold domestic violence perpetrators accountable in their role as parents? How do we consider the child’s relationship to the perpetrator in decisions relate…
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The problem of dating violence and coercive control among young people has been sorely overlooked, and educational resources are hard to find...until now! In order make coercive control visible to youth & to fill a gap in professional education materials & intervention strategies for young people, we have partnered with the revolutionary new abuse …
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In this episode, Ruth & David speak with Lisa & Jack Bulman of Mibbinbah Spirit Healing about their work in community to facilitate healing from intergenerational trauma, support healthy relationship connections and strengthen the wellbeing of Aboriginal & Torres Strait Islander men and families. Mibbinbah uses a “whole of communities” approach whi…
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In this episode, David & Ruth talk about why the Safe & Together Institute focuses on survivor protective capacities and some of the research behind this approach. While assessments of harm and risk, and trauma frameworks are important, these approaches highlight danger and pathologies. But these approaches, while necessary, are not sufficient enou…
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Survivors, who are professionals, can live in fear that if they share their experience in the workplace, they will be dismissed and disregarded. In this episode, Ruth & David speak with Nneka Mcgregor, founder & Executive Director of WomenattheentrE, about the need to transform our systems so that professionals who are survivors, can safely share t…
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There are few intervention programs for fathers who use violence as part of their parenting. In this episode, David & Ruth take a deep dive into the work that needs to happen with violent fathers with Dr. Katreena Scott, the co-creator of the Caring Dads program. In this interview, David Ruth and Katreena speak about The importance of intervening w…
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Professionals working in domestic violence and related fields are not immune from being abused by their partner. In fact, their role as a domestic violence or related professional can create some unique vulnerabilities that perpetrators are willing and able to exploit as part of their efforts at control. In another episode in the series about pract…
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Strangulation attempts are a common element of domestic violence perpetrators’ patterns of behaviors. Non-fatal strangulation has long been identified as a risk factor for domestic violence homicide. Less attention has been paid to the short, medium and long term effects of non-fatal strangulation on survivor functioning and well-being. In this int…
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Listening to the voice of lived experience experts, AKA survivors of all forms of abuse and neglect, is becoming more and more a part of the domestic violence-informed professional landscape. At the same time, self-disclosure, in professional spaces, of being an abuse survivor can be a fraught for some practitioners. It can be associated with fears…
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Working with domestic violence means professionals come into contact daily with complex & challenging trauma. Beyond the complexity involved with working toward the safety of the family, working with domestic violence survivors often confronts professionals with their own prior experiences of abuse and trauma. Partnering with survivors using the Sa…
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When we think about domestic violence only in terms of what is added - violence and danger - instead of what is taken away (safety, self determination, quality of life), we fail at naming some of the most profound effects of domestic violence perpetrators’ behaviors on survivors. In this episode, David & Ruth talk about what survivors' often "lose"…
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Toxic Trio. Triple Play. Trifecta. All over the globe, professionals working with families have shorthand jargon that reflects the prevalence of the complex mixture of issues that many families experience. Unfortunately these phrases do not usually enhance the ability to partner with survivors or intervene with perpetrators. In this episode of Part…
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Conversations about domestic violence often start from a victim blaming perspective: “Why doesn’t she leave?” or “Why does she keep choosing him over children?” or “I can’t trust her to understand the impact on children. She has a trauma history.” These victim blaming statements interfere with partnering with survivors and holding perpetrators acco…
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With upsetting frequency, the news will report a story of a child murdered by their mother’s partner. Sometimes this murder happens in the context of separation. Other times it is part of perpetrators' overall pattern of violence toward multiple family members. Unfortunately, dramatic homicides only tell part of the story. There are strong correlat…
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In this episode, David & Ruth discuss with Dr. Emma Katz in her new book, “Coercive Control in Children’s and Mother’s Lives.” Dr. Katz shares the story behind the development of this groundbreaking book, where she shares her learnings from interviews with 15 groups of mothers and their children. In this far ranging conversation, David, Ruth and Dr…
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In this episode, David & Ruth continue their series on reproductive coercion as part of the cycle of intimate partner violence with an interview with Dr. Heather McCauley from the Michigan Consortium on Gender Based Violence MSU. Dr. McCauley discusses the newest research on reproductive coercion, the correlations to intimate partner violence, unwa…
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Too often conversations about domestic violence define survivors as passive trauma survivors with the emphasis on the negative mental health and addiction consequences of the perpetrators' patterns of behavior. And while these impacts are real they only tell part of the story. On a daily basis, survivors engage in small and large acts of resistance…
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In this episode David & Ruth go 'myth busting!" Like any effort to promote change, there can be misconceptions of what the Safe & Together Model does or is about. The Safe & Together Model is not immune to this mischaracterizations. In their conversations, David & Ruth tackle the following 7 mistaken perceptions of the Safe & Together Model and dis…
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In this short, special bonus episode, Ruth interviews Celine Donovan, a Safe & Together Model Certified Trainer, working for Tatauko Mai, the only Safe & Together Institute Partner Agency in Aotearoa (New Zealand). Ruth caught up with Celine in coffee shop in Christchurch. They spoke about about how the Model has changed her practice. Celine, who a…
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In this final installment of the minisode series on worker safety and well-being, Ruth and David discuss the importance best practice around the question of practitioners own fears about the safety of the family. Anyone who has worked with domestic violence cases has felt fear and worry for the safety of the adult and child survivors. Sometimes the…
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Reproductive coercion is part of a perpetrator's pattern of coercive control and is a common and powerful tool that is used to entrap & control victims using pregnancy & children. Forcing women to become pregnant & maintain a pregnancy has long term implications for women & children's lives. Not only do adult survivors suffer the consequences, but …
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In this fifth installment of the minisode series on worker safety and well-being, Ruth and David discuss the prevalence of histories of abuse amongst professionals and how agencies can proactively shape their human resources, training and supervision to this reality. One of the main takeaways from this episode is that having staff who have abuse hi…
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Have you ever seen survivors’ mental health or substance use issues turned against them by a domestic violence perpetrator? Have you been concerned about a domestic violence survivor’s treatment being sabotaged by an abusive partner? In this podcast, David Mandel, Executive Director and Founder of the Safe & Together Institute and Ruth Stearns Mand…
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(Apologies the sound quality of this episode is slightly less than we'd like.) In their opening episode of Season 3, Partnered with a Survivor co-hosts , David Mandel & Ruth Stearns Mandel, interview international journalist Grant Wyeth. Grant Wyeth is a researcher at the Asia Institute, University of Melbourne, and a columnist for the Diplomat. He…
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Ask Graham Goulden about the Bystander Approach to violence prevention, he’ll talk to you about being a “moral rebel.” “Moral rebels” intervene to stop violence when others standby. “Moral rebels” act when others walk away. Graham, a former Scottish police officer and Chief Investigator specializing in criminal investigation, drug investigation, tr…
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In this fourth installment of the multi-part minisode series on worker safety and well-being, Ruth and David explore when workers are being targeted by their own perpetrator, and the implications for the workplace. In a just over 20 minutes , David & Ruth discuss: David's history with worker personal disclosures about their own victimization How wo…
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In this third installment of the multi-part minisode series on worker safety and well-being, Ruth and David explore the connection between worker safety and victim blaming. In a just over 15 minutes , David & Ruth discuss: How a lack of knowledge of how fathers' choices impact families and engagement skills with men hamper work with violent fathers…
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In this second installment of the multi-part minisode series on worker safety and well-being, Ruth and David explore the important topic of workers being targeted by domestic violence perpetrators. In a few minutes , David & Ruth discuss different ways workers are targeted including: Manipulation, intimidation and bullying Threats of or actual laws…
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In the kickoff of their first ever minisode series, David & Ruth will introduce the theme of worker safety and well-being in the context of working on issues related to domestic violence. The goal of the series is to address the critical issues of worker safety and well-being as a critical aspect of domestic violence informed systems. Since the inc…
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Many professionals mistakenly believe that concerns related to domestic violence evaporate once a relationship is over. Survivors know differently. Their experiences help us understand the ways that domestic violence perpetrators’ patterns of behaviors extend beyond the relationship. In this episode, Ruth and David explore the nature of post separa…
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Phrases like "child witness to violence" or "children exposed to violence" only capture a small slice of how domestic violence perpetrators' behaviors harm children. Assessment frameworks based on these concepts primarily emphasize the traumatic impact of the direct witnessing of acts of physical violence . Coercive control teaches us that it is pa…
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Intervening with perpetrators, who are the source of the harm to child, partner and family functioning, is essential for domestic violence-informed systems. In this episode, David & Ruth talk about the third principle of the Safe & Together Model which focuses on intervening with the perpetrator to reduce risk and harm to children. The conversation…
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In this episode, Ruth and David yarn with Ashlee Donohue – a proud Dunghutti woman born and raised in Kempsey, NSW. Ashlee is an Author, Educator, Advocate and speaker around the anti-violence message. Ashlee is currently the CEO of Mudgin-Gal Aboriginal Corporation – Women’s Centre, which is for Aboriginal women run by Aboriginal women. Ashlee was…
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For men's violence against women to end, men need to talk to other men about change and responsibility. At the same time, many men who are abusive, have often experienced their own traumas at the hands of their parents or society at large. An emerging voice in the effort to invite men to healing is Matt Brown, co-creator with his wife, Sarah Brown …
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Building on the Safe & Together Institute's white paper on perpetrators' manipulate of systems (and the related podcast) and work with the national Family Court of Australia, David & Ruth take a closer look at how domestic violence perpetrators can continue to undermine child safety and well-being post-separation, manipulate systems regarding custo…
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Crafting a domestic violence-informed response to the unique experience of Black domestic violence survivors in the United States requires listening to the voices and lived experience of those survivors. Like other marginalized survivors in systems impacted by racism and colonization across the globe, Black women have to navigate systems that often…
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For 15 years, the Safe & Together Model has trained professionals in the importance of centering coercive controlling patterns of behaviors if you want to understand the harm domestic abuse perpetrators create for their children & how that is parenting choice. Failures to link coercive control to child abuse & neglect make it easier to blame adult …
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The discussion of relationship between histories of trauma and the perpetration of abuse is often fraught. Many people are worried, as has happened over and over again, that any consideration of the trauma histories of perpetrators will become an excuse for violence. Others advocate for the need for a more holistic approach, especially for those pe…
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In this episode of Partnered with a Survivor, David & Ruth tackle one of the most pressing issues in the domestic violence field: how to make mental health and addiction services more domestic violence-informed when it comes to interacting with survivors. While awareness of trauma and its impact continues to increase, it often is decontextualized f…
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Domestic violence has been depicted in feature movies before. "Enough," "The Burning Bed" and "Sleeping with the Enemy" depended on star power to draw in their audiences. "Once We Were Warriors," the dark, award-wining New Zealand classic, explored violence in an urban Maori family. Now the multi-award winning feature film "No Ordinary Love" (NOL) …
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The voices of children impacted by domestic violence perpetrators are being ignored by professionals. In this ground-breaking interview, a fourteen year old survivor of officer-involved domestic violence, and his mother speak openly about their experience with systems. Liam, and his mother Michelle (pseudonyms) share how the police colluded with th…
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Safety. Satisfaction. Self-Determination. For decades, domestic violence survivors have shared that these are the aspects of their life targeted by domestic violence perpetrators. Until recently, it was primarily the attacks on physical safety that were reflected in the domestic violence laws across the world. Slowly , with the passage of coercive …
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Both men and women can be controlling. Both men and women can violent. Domestic abuse occurs in same sex and heterosexual relationship. This means both men and women can be victims of domestic violence. Yet domestic violence-informed practice requires a gender analysis and an understanding of coercive control. In this episode Ruth and David examine…
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Domestic violence perpetrators do not only target survivors. They also target the professionals & systems who want to want to help them. Many perpetrators, often using money, privilege and power, leverage systems to amplify their control. False allegations of substance abuse, mental health issues or child abuse are lodged with social services and f…
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What do practitioners need to pay most attention to in domestic violence cases involving children? What kind of evidence do courts need to hear evidence if they want to make good decisions related to custody and access? The Safe & Together's Model 5 Critical Components is the foundational guide to domestic violence-informed assessment and decision …
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In a recent article by Tracey De Simone and Susan Heward-Belle*, they describe the "cultural tsunami" triggered by the Safe & Together Model in Queensland Australia. In this episode, Ruth interviews David about the theory of change behind the Safe & Together Model and how Safe & Together Institute is attempting to remake the practice of systems. Da…
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To truly understand the experience of many domestic violence survivors we need to understand coercive control. Coercive control, which is one of the key aspects of the Safe & Together Model, is as much about entrapment and the deprivation of liberty as it is about physical violence. In fact, the damage of coercive control can occur without any phys…
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The Safe & Together Model is premised on the idea that child serving systems are natural allies to adult domestic violence survivors. In the Season 2 kick-off episode, David & Ruth explore the Safe & Together Model's principle of partnering and the six steps of partnering practice. The episode includes an examination of the obstacles to partnering …
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In this episode, David and Ruth look back over the highlights of the first season of Partnered with a Survivor. They talk about the genesis of the show, favorite episodes, and the value of survivor anger. The episode also includes a preview of 2021 episodes including an interview with author Jess Hill, and a new series that looks inside the Safe & …
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The last few decades has seen the dramatic rise of the criminalization of domestic violence perpetration across the globe. As a result, police have received a large share of domestic violence funding and partnerships between law enforcement and advocates have become the norm. But if only 20% of survivors feel safer after calling the police , then i…
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