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Oz 9

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Oz 9

Shannon K Perry

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Spring 2142 and Gated Galaxies has launched its 400 Oz-8000 ships, each carrying 50,000 "resting guests" to, hopefully, a new home on a shiny, brand-new planet. As soon as they find one. IF they find one. This is the story of one of those ships – the Oz 9 – and its tiny crew of hopeless incompetents. So far, they've been in space half an hour and several hundred people are dead. So... bright future, clearly.
 
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It's entirely possible this story has spun a wee bit out of control. But then, isn't that a lot like...life? I mean, take your basic ergonomic keyboard. Don't you want to bash its tiny electronic brains out on a rock, only it was expensive and nominally doing something useful for your hands or wrists or something? While that might be an overreactio…
 
Note: This is the final episode narrated by Richard Nadolny. His fabulous daughter Chris Nadolny Gourley takes over the mic in 76. Other note: despite what the credits say, this episode was edited by Sarah Golding and sound designed by Oliver Morris. (Both geniuses; give them lots of gigs and money.) We'd say the pace is picking up, but seriously, …
 
Note: This episode is narrated by Richard Nadolny. It's episode 74, and you know what that means.... DO you know what it means? Could you write it on a note and slip it to us during study hall, because we've got nothing. Things are just Nutty McNutface with this crew, and everyone's in the dark, literally and figuratively. Who can you trust when ev…
 
Warning: this is narrated by Richard, so take care of you. Brugmansia, it turns out, isn't a type of Italian leather shoe. Nor is it the third movement of something by Beethoven. And it is definitely NOT edible. But it can be stuck in one's mouth and swallowed, so of course, the bumfluff crew of Oz 9 did. BTW, St. Leonard's Day isn't a real thing. …
 
Content Warning: Big emotions around death and suicide. Before he left us, Richard recorded several episodes ahead. Hard as it is to hear his voice, it's also a joy to have a little more Narrator to share. He wanted these episodes to go out, and we want to honor that wish. So you will hear Richard a few more times. If that's too much for you, skip …
 
It's a story about newts. A story that turned its author into Public Enemy #2. Yeah, you're going to want to hear this. Newts is a production of PRX and The Truth Podcast. It’s created by Ian Coss and Sam Jay Gold. Find it by searching for "Newts PRX" on your favorite podcatcher or at one of the links below! Twitter: @newts_pod @ian_coss @SamJayGol…
 
If you've never had chocolate milkweed with rosemallows, you're really missing out. On stomach upset, whiplash-inducing vomiting, an itchy rash, and unconsciousness, which is really the best part. Despite the litany of side effects, Leet is dishing up a mug just for you, so please join us aboard the Oz 9, as we head out for another entirely pointle…
 
Oh, hell, now we're getting all Lord of the Ringsy with sacred tokens and some sort of binding agent to herd them all or whatever, blah blah blah. We're back on board the Oz 9, and the crew is far more interested in their next cocktail than in, I dunno, SAVING EARTH OR WHATEVER. Although, I could murder a cosmo.... You've been listening to.... Eric…
 
It's episode 69, and the whole world is just upside down. Oh, come on, not even ONE "sixty-nine" joke? Sheesh. You've been listening to... Sarah Golding as Mrs Sheffield Lee Shackleford as Pluto Aaron Clark as Ben Iri Alexander as Julie Eric Perry as Mr Southers Bonnie Brantley as Jessie and Donna Shannon Perry as Madeline and Olivia June Clark Eub…
 
Leet's been boiling up ... well, we're not sure what those are. He thought they were apples, and he was trying to make apple cider. Or maybe apple sauce, we're not really clear what he was aiming for. In any event, he ended up with something that can only be contained in these special jars the Albatros makes from clay from the bioswamp; it burns ri…
 
We hope you all had a great holiday season. We didn't. Something blew up and it stunk like crazy, but we still have no idea what it was, and Dr. von Haber Zetzer's not talking. We're not sure if that's because he's guilty or in shock, but either way, we're not prying an answer out of him any time soon. You've been listening to: Bonnie Brantley as J…
 
It's the holiday season, and our gift to you is.... some stupid. We made it ourselves. You've been listening to: Aaron Clark as Ben Bonnie Brantley as Donna Iri Alexander as Julie Lee Shackleford as Pluto Sarah Golding as Mrs Sheffield Kevin Hall as Felonius Eric Perry as Mr Southers and Joe and Richard Nadolny as your Narrator. Our music is compos…
 
Have you ever wondered about HOW the Oz ships were retrofitted for long space journeys? Us too. We still do. Hey, stay till the end to hear the trailer for the glorious podcast Mockery Manor. HIGHLY recommended! You're listening to: Lee Shackleford as Interviewer 1 Sarah Golding as Interviewer 2 Kyle Jones as Interviewer 3 Kevin Hall as Interviewer…
 
Yeah, it's kind of a long title, but it's an important question. This episode is a flashback in which random, weird stuff happens, just in case you were wondering if 2021 and 2022 were the weirdest history gets. You've been listening to Eric Perry as Joe David S Dear as Tiberius Shannon Perry as Olivia Aaron Clark as Le Bichon Frise Tim Sherburn as…
 
You thought your job was hard, imagine being Narrator (or Narrator 2, really) for this boatload of Twinkies. (Which, incidentally have still not shown any signs of decomposition in 2142, just sayin'.) If our Narrator makes it through his contract without developing a neurosis (or cirrhosis), well, it's not our fault. Avocado yogurt.... avocado yogu…
 
It's true many people complain that Oz 9 is not only NOT educational, it may in fact "leach information out of your brain as you listen." (thanks, mom — real nice) We beg to differ. Did you know zebras were once called "hippotigruses" (hippotigri? whatever)? Think of how much you've learned about plants and space and maths and fugu and Sweden! Anyw…
 
LOOK. I never said it would be the MORNING of September 19, I just said it would be ON September 19, so I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT. It's episode 61, and incredibly, it seems our crew might have actually lost some brain cells over the hiatus. I swear, if there's a skull and crossbones on it, this crew wants to eat it, marry it, or at least put it in th…
 
We'd like to dedicate this second hiatus episode to our one fan in Zambia. To date, according to our stats, there have been 86 downloads in Zambia. We figure that's one fan who listened to every episode, including all the hiatus and bonus stuff, and to him, her, or them, we say a profound "thank you!" And the same "thank you" to everyone who listen…
 
This one is a beast. Go to the bathroom, get some water, maybe load up on some snacks. Is your listening device charged? Get comfy. We have a lot to tell. You've been listening to: Tim Sherburn as Colin, Buck, and Emily Richard Cowen as Leet and Percival slash Tiberius Bonnie Brantley as Donna and Jessie Eric Perry as Dr von Haber Zetzer, Howard, J…
 
You've been awesome! No, really. I'd love to be able to reward your patience, but instead I just have an episode. I know it's not much, but I made it myself. One more episode to close out the season: are you ready? No. You're not. Sorry, but you are SO not ready. You're listening to: Lee Shackleford as Pluto Kevin Hall as Felonius and Greg Bonnie B…
 
With just three episodes (well, this one plus two more) left in the season, is that a cliff I see ahead? With a small branch protruding from its face, just right for hanging? Things are moving along at a rapid pace, much like the Oz 9 isn't, and there are surprises, tears, laughter, warming of hearts, girding of loins, rending of garments, and poss…
 
This episode begins with a funeral, so you might want to have tissues handy. The production assistant was supposed to get hypo-allergenic flowers for the ceremony but managed to find hyper-allergenic ones, which don't only make you sneeze, they cram themselves up your nose until you beg for mercy. The PA has been fwipped, so if you have even remote…
 
I'm contractually obligated to tell you that we're running a Kickstarter campaign to try to fund turning Oz 9 into a comic book. So please give us money, if you can, or tell other people to give us money. Or both. Thanks and whatever. Here's a surprise: Jessie doesn't like comics. She says they're too colourful and she's never read one. I would hav…
 
OK, OK, yes, it's late AGAIN. We know. We've been having a really rough time lately, the kids are sick, the roof caved in when we had that thunderstorm last week, and then there was that other thing.... No, you're right. None of that is true. Our alarm is a bored dude just saying "alarm alarm alarm" over and over, so clearly this is not a well-fina…
 
All the backstory you never wanted and then some. We find out some stuff about Le Bichon Frise, some other stuff about Donna, blah blah blah. Greg falls over at one point, so that's pretty funny. I'd say "sorry it's so late," but I feel like I ought to be it before I say it. So.... It's late. You've been listening to: Bonnie Brantley as Donna and J…
 
The universe may be crashing around your ears, but as long as you know the difference between who and whom and how to scoop up a dangling participle, you'll be all right. It's kind of like knowing where your towel is. In this very special episode, a guest pops onto the ship and into Leet's arms, and for a few moments at least, all seems right with …
 
Do you know how to disable an invisible alarm? Yeah, well, listen close; someone on our crew is about to tell you. Well, maybe... we're not entirely sure it works, so I don't know that I'd test it at the Louvre. Maybe Paddy MacDougal's Museum O'Naughty Limericks and Saucy Sea Shanties first. Just steer clear of the green milkshakes. Actually, that'…
 
The crew aboard the Oz 9 are stalactites, holding tight to the ceiling in unexpected zero Gs, and the crew on the ground are stalagmites, who might survive if a crabby, oddly dressed ancient god decides to let them go. You know, same old same old. Oz 9 is back from holiday break, though why a crew that typically works a solid seven-minute day needs…
 
To punish Kevin Hall for having the gall to ... something, I can't remember what it was he did, but for sure he did something really bad to merit this kind of response.... Anyway, maybe just to be mean, we made him relisten to Oz 9, write a bunch of trivia questions, then ask them to four people who among them could barely scrape up an answer to th…
 
EARLIER SOUND ISSUES HAVE BEEN CORRECTED, AND OUR PRODUCTION PERSON HAS BEEN FWIIIIIIIIIIII...... What happens when the alien aboard your ship gets hungry? Usually really gross things involving lots of blood and gore and that, but fortunately for us, the grossest thing in this episode is a small critter popping out of an orifice. Which is actually …
 
Humans on the receiving end of divine affections don't do so well, mythologically speaking. However, after having seen Donna in action, the smart money is on the homo sapien. Pluto better watch his gold lamé onesie, if he knows what's good for him. With this episode, we are officially halfway through Season 3 of Oz 9, so let's all take a moment to …
 
I'd apologize for this being so late, but if you think about it, I gave you an extra 16-and-a-half Oz-free hours, which is, like, a decade in idiot years. It's been a long day aboard the Oz 9. You think bad decision making is easy — Doritos for dinner? Yes, please. Easy! Go for a run or drink chocolate milk with vodka? Vodka. Definitely. Easy! —and…
 
Remember how there was that one week you were sick or maybe just on vacation but too poor to go anywhere? And you watched daytime TV, and even though you knew it was ridiculous and cheesy, by Friday you were desperate to know if little Suzy really was Armoire's daughter and if Aristato would find Nectarina in time to stop her from marrying ... I do…
 
What would you do if everything in your garden suddenly attacked you? Carrots shooting themselves at your eyes, radishes nibbling tiny, spicy holes in your ankles, kohlrabi shouting at you, probably in German, given how "kohlrabi" is spelled — does it seem German to you? just me? — and let's not even talk about what the watermelon is trying to do. …
 
Probably the most remarkable thing that happens in this entire episode is that Le Bichon Frise pronounces "assassinate" correctly. I know. We were pretty shocked too. It happens at the bottom of page 3, so if you just want to hear that and skip the rest, I don't suppose anyone would blame you. Oh, and there's a bit about a butterfly that's funny. Y…
 
It's really late. The kind of late that keeps on getting later until it circles back round to early. When I'm this blurry and tired, I'm likely to say anything. Like how much more bearable life became on this ship with we busted Dr. Theo out of his pod. Geeky never looked so good.... See, now what did I say? Stop with the questions and the "oooo te…
 
If you've been keeping up with the antics of that zany crew aboard the Oz 9- Have you ever considered taking up a REAL hobby? Like stamps or shuffleboard or knitting quilts or something? It's episode 44, and no one is any smarter than they were 43 episodes ago, and that includes you, since your brain is no doubt deteriorating at a much faster clip …
 
Perhaps you've heard about the mold that's eating radioactive materials around Chernobyl? And that scientists are considering insulating spacecraft and astronauts suits with the stuff to protect them from solar radiation? We're not imagining things up here. We're just ahead of our time. You've been listening to: Shannon Perry as Madeline and Olivia…
 
Something nefarious is happening on a golf course in French Lick, Indiana. Actually, several nefarious things. Well, OK, like, three... maybe four nefarious things, and then a whole bunch of naughty things. Look, we're losing the point here. Look, just listen to the episode. It'll be easier than me trying to explain it to you. You've been listening…
 
Welcome back, space monkeys! We hope you enjoyed your six-week excursion ashore. Watch your step, the gangplank is slippery and also there's no oxygen out here, so look lively. Take your seats, please; we'll be setting adrift...sorry, a-sail again soon. No eating, please; we just got the toilets clean. Now. Where were we.....? You've been listening…
 
If you've ever wondered about our crew's lives before they got wrapped up in the drama of the Oz 9, well, keep wondering, because you're not going to learn a damn thing from this disaster of an episode. You're listening to: Eric Perry as Dr. von Haber Zetzer and Sarah Golding as pretty much everybody else. Except Richard Nadolny as the Narrator. Ou…
 
If you think Oz 9 looks like chaos from the front, well, it's just as raggedy and unkempt 'round the back (if slightly less dangerous). In this bonus episode for our hiatus, our 4 newest cast members, David S. Dear, Sarah Golding, Kevin Hall, and Iri Alexander, gathered to talk about life as a voice actor and the swirling tornado of imminent doom t…
 
The Oz ships failed under mysterious circumstances entirely caused by their on-board crews or natural disaster wholly unrelated to Gated Galaxies or its subsidiaries, officers, or agents. G2 accepts no responsibility or liability for loss of liberty, limb, or life due to incorrect use of machinery, gross negligence, intentional or reckless miscondu…
 
It's the end of Season 2, and our crew are still dumb, still in space, and still hovering at the edge of death. Thanks to all the zig zagging around the galaxy, they're nearly back where they started, and the forniculator still hasn't been fixed. So, if you've been with us for the past 39 episodes, well, you probably could have skipped this bit. Le…
 
Episode 39 means one more until the end of Season 2, and where we're going is no clearer than the muck at the bottom of the bioswamp. But hey, you've gotten this far, you might as well stick with us a little longer. Eventually, it'll all make sense. Or not. Probably not. You've been listening to: Bonnie Brantley as Jessie Kevin Hall as Greg and Fel…
 
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