show episodes
 
Two sex addicts in long-term successful recovery are ALSO world-class mental health professionals who specialize in porn and sex addiction recovery. Drawing on 40 years of combined personal and professional experience, Mark and Steve get RAW and REAL about HOW to overcome addiction, heal betrayal trauma and save your marriage. If you're struggling with addiction—we get it. Recovery is hard. We've been there. We'l help you take the fight to your addiction like never before. If you're married ...
 
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show series
 
A PBSE listener recently sent in a situation and question— He has been in recovery and "clean" for a year. At one point during that year of recovery, his wife admitted to having an affair while he was in recovery. His question is—"How do I help my wife trust me again while I'm also having trouble trusting her?" - Why does "mutual betrayal" happen??…
 
We know—the title of this episode is INSANE!!! But it comes from an actual question sent in by a PBSE listener— My partner and I are STUCK. We have been separated for almost a year now but living together for financial and child reasons. I have told him that he has to break up with his affair partner before I will agree to couples counseling. That …
 
Here's a question from a PBSE listener— I am a recovering sex and porn addict working on my recovery and trying to reconcile with my wife and heal our marriage. She is constantly asking questions as too why I looked at porn and web cams and also commented and looked at women with lust. I struggle to answer this question in a way that satisfies her …
 
In this episode, Mark and Steve respond to a listener who asks a very important question about one of her spouse's favorite pastimes—watching female professional wrestling. While this sounds pretty straight forward, there is a LOT to consider here! I caught [my husband] watching women’s wrestling and a very inappropriate video of the same. More tha…
 
In this episode, Mark and Steve respond to a PBSE listener's sincere inquiry about HOW to move through his defensiveness in response to his wife's legitimate trauma triggers. Here's his message and question to PBSE— I am a sex and love addict, I have found that I perceive my life in negative defensive ways. When my wife pulls away from me for menta…
 
In this episode, Mark and Steve take on a PBSE listener's question about her husband's "claim of not being able to remember the details of his previous disclosures to her. Several months after he finally came clean and told her "everything," he backtracked and denied ever disclosing those things. Here's her description of the situation— Since then,…
 
In this episode Mark and Steve respond to a very heart-felt question by a PBSE listener— My wife and I recently listened to your episode on healthy sex vs toxic sex. I realize now that for our whole marriage, sex has been toxic and me-centered. I asked my wife if she identified with the part in the episode where you said some wives discover feeling…
 
How do you know if your partner is telling you the truth about his porn use and other sexual behaviors? A PBSE listener recently submitted this question and expressed her pain and confusion in a very raw and authentic way. In this episode, Mark and Steve provide some guidance— Is “pornified” (objectified) language and behavior an indication he is s…
 
In this episode, Mark and Steve respond to a very heart-felt message and question from a PBSE listener: a spouse struggling to forgive her porn-addicted spouse— How can you work through feeling like you can't forgive your spouse? The deception, gaslighting, secrecy, disrespect and disregard for others feelings is causing contempt that grows by the …
 
In this episode, Mark and Steve address a common question submitted by a PBSE listener— I have listened to many episodes of your podcast. They have all been very helpful. My question is: Do you consider every man who views porn an “addict” or “sex addict?” My husband confessed to viewing pornography (no other acting out) for the last two and a half…
 
Growing up, a PBSE listener suffered from an abusive relationship with his father, which was a BIG factor in the development and ongoing struggle with Porn Addiction. He submitted some questions to Mark and Steve— I've realized that improving my relationship with my Dad is key to my recovery. How do I approach him about this without letting out 20 …
 
If your partner is a porn addict, is it even possible to have any level of "healthy connection"??? In this episode, Mark and Steve talk raw and open about what is possible and real when it comes to healthy connection when one spouse is recovering from porn addiction and the other is healing from betrayal trauma— How does Porn Addiction destroy conn…
 
When it comes to daily life and being subjected to a "sexualized culture," what are the "healthy boundaries" in sex/porn addiction recovery? What can/should an addict-in-recovery STOP doing in "regular" life? What is too strict or too lax? When does an addict cross the line into rationalization, minimization and denial? How do we "collaborate" on t…
 
In working with people all over the world, we often get questions from couples regarding what IS and what is NOT healthy and connecting in their sexual relationship. In this episode, Mark and Steve get really DIRECT about WHY we bring certain expectations, practices, attitudes, etc., to the bedroom and HOW to begin opening up an authentic, vulnerab…
 
In this episode, Mark and Steve address a HUGE issue many partners struggle with. Here's how a PBSE listener expressed it— My question is with all the porn videos and images he has seen how does the wife know what he is thinking while having sex with the wife? By this I mean how do we know, even after getting help, which he is not in any recovery, …
 
We know—this title is ridiculous!!! It's intended to be totally SARCASTIC! But it's in response to a lengthy, raw, heart-felt, super authentic email we recently received from a PBSE listener. Her spouse is a sex/porn addict who is NOT in "real recovery," but insists that if she would give him daily sex, he could overcome his struggles. In this epis…
 
It's SO easy to get STUCK in a negative, hame-based mindset; trapped on an endless rollercoaster of dark emotions; feel like your relationship is going nowhere or just downward! In this episode, Mark and Steve get real about their own personal experiences with being STUCK and STAGNATING in recovery; stuck in negative thinking; in anger, bitterness …
 
Here's a heart-felt question from a PBSE listener— Since learning that my husband of 44 years has been addicted to porn our entire marriage, a floodgate of emotions continue to wash over me. We are both committed to this union and he is working very hard in recovery. My question involves how do I trust and ignite my own healthy sexual expressions a…
 
A PBSE listener recently sent us this comment and request—You speak of the importance of establishing boundaries. While we understand that each couple is unique can you address more specifically or give examples of what healthy boundaries look like during recovery? Let's get real—based on how we were raised and what was "modeled" to us, nearly all …
 
In this episode Mark and Steve openly address a PBSE listener's questions about what to do with an addict spouse in recovery who still tries to exert control and practice manipulation. - Why porn/sex addicts can tend to shift blame and accountability. - Addicts can have a strong affinity for relying on external factors for their emotional stability…
 
Summertime can be a HUGE trigger for porn addicts in recovery and for spouses healing from betrayal trauma! As individuals and as couples, HOW can you SUCCESSFULLY navigate the visual and emotional "minefield" of summer? Learn more about Mark and Steve's new online program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Steve three times a week…
 
When we rely on "sheer motivation" to break out of porn addiction, this will easily plunge us into a pit where we become stuck in "emotional wallowing."' Then to escape the wallowing, we move back into addiction outlets—and the "wallowing cycle" spins around and around. In this episode, Mark and Steve guide listeners in HOW to move out of emotional…
 
There are MANY "triggers" that can impact and even derail addiction recovery and healing from betrayal trauma. One trigger that can blindside us are significant, meaningful events like holidays, birthdays, anniversaries and more. In this episode, Mark and Steve talk about their personal struggles with "Father's Day" and how it has been a trigger fo…
 
We constantly talk about how and why “mindfulness” and CONNECTING with your True, Authentic Self is SO critical to recovery and healthy living! Yet, when it comes to stepping back to be an “observer” and “watcher” of our thoughts, feelings and emotions—WHY can it be SO HARD?! It’s way easy to get pulled into GOING TO WAR and battling it out with ou…
 
A podcast listener asked about her husband's risky, bizarre, self-centered sexual behaviors; his Erectile Dysfunction; and how these are related to his porn/sex addiction. In this episode Mark and Steve talk raw and real about these issues. They relate this to their own experiences with addiction and the many clients they've worked with over the de…
 
In this episode, Mark and Steve respond to a listener who is engaged to a porn addict. She submitted a message through PBSEpodast.com describing her situation: she and her fiance have been together for two years. He has regularly used pornography during that time and she has let him know she is NOT OK with it. He promised he was getting help to qui…
 
In this episode, Mark and Steve address and excellent question submitted by a PBSE listener— In the book written by Gary Chapman it talks about the 5 Love Languages. My husband says his love language is physical touch. Are most sex addicts love language physical touch? As a spouse how do I honor my needs and authentically respect myself? {there are…
 
In this episode, Mark and Steve respond to a question submitted by a PBSE listener: My husband has been in active recovery since earlier this year. Your podcast has been instrumental in his recovery. My almost adult children are aware of the porn addiction and witnessed and were victims of his controlling, abusive and angry attitude during his acti…
 
In this episode Mark and Steve use the analogy of a unique little bird known as the "Bower Bird." HOW can we guys who are in recovery from addiction do the "little" things each day that move us from merely surviving in marriage to thriving?! Learn more about Mark and Steve's new online program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Ste…
 
Your recovery and healing are always at risk of stagnation, burnout, boredom, overwhelm, relapse and other potential "disrupters." In this episode Mark and Steve talk about how to regularly "shake up" your recovery and healing so they stay fresh, on-track and ever progressing toward greater peace, happiness, fulfillment and connection. Learn more a…
 
Mark and Steve discuss why Self-Care is SO crucial to overcoming porn addiction, healing from betrayal trauma and mending your marriage. And why it is so often taken for granted or overlooked entirely. Very importantly, Mark and Steve talk openly about their own struggles with self-care and the barriers that often get in the way of this essential e…
 
In Episode 66, Mark and Steve explored the walls an addict spouse often throws up in defense against his betrayal-trauma-suffering spouse beginning to "speak her truth." In this episode, Mark and Steve talk about the totally legitimate thoughts, feelings and emotions triggered by Betrayal Trauma that can create a huge barrier to connection and heal…
 
A BIG part of beginning to heal a marriage marred by pornography addiction, is for the addict spouse to provide a SAFE space for the betrayed spouse to honestly and openly express her pain and speak her truth. But when she does, it's very common (for a host of reasons) for the addict spouse to immediately throw up a WALL of self-defense and resista…
 
In this episode, Mark and Steve respond to a recent email from a listener— “I’d like to know how is it that your wives were willing and able to stay in your marriages through all the porn and affairs? My son-in-law is an addict and my daughter can’t see how she can stay married to him. She’s willing to be friends for the sake of the kids but she do…
 
In this episode, Mark and Steve openly address a common issue they faced in their own recoveries, and one they see often with their clients—"Can I ever go back to porn?" What this means to most men in recovery is—"Can I ever just live like a 'normal' guy?" Do I have to do this "recovery stuff" the rest of my life?! What about masturbation, provocat…
 
In this episode, Mark and Steve give listeners a window into what they've learned from their own recoveries and what they've experienced over many years as therapists. What DOES it take to truly succeed in your recovery and healing efforts? Find out more about Steve Moore at: Ascension Counseling Learn more about Mark Kastleman at: Reclaim Counseli…
 
When a couple is working together through addiction recovery and healing betrayal trauma, it can be VERY difficult to understand the differences between a "Relapse" and a "Slip." In this episode, Mark and Steve discuss WHY there should be separate definitions for a "Slip" and for a "Relapse"—why the distinction at all? How can a couple navigate the…
 
In this episode, Mark and Steve address a PBSE listener's heart-felt dilemma. After discovering her spouse's addiction to porn and feeling the intense betrayal, she was justifiably angry, hurt and numb. Here's how she expressed it— "It breaks my heart that I have these feelings for someone I love so much. It makes me angry with myself and him. All …
 
In this episode, Mark and Steve address a questions submitted by a listener— "Can you discuss the dynamic of being the spouse of an addict who is not a believer? In my marriage there has been sexual addiction and he is 2 1/2 years into recovery/sobriety but we are now dealing with the dynamic of a sexless marriage. How can we make the transition to…
 
In this episode, Mark and Steve address some very poignant questions submitted by a listener: "What do you do when the proof is in the pudding that your partner is a sexual addict but they refuse to acknowledge it?I asked him for a separation at the beginning of Dec hoping that would shake him up a bit … He has agreed to couples counseling but is "…
 
In this episode, Mark and Steve address a recent question by a listener—a very honest, legitimate, excellent question— "Hi there, my recovering spouse and I LOVE your podcasts. it has brought us closer through sharing our thoughts on episodes. One thing I would love to hear your take on as a betrayed spouse is how on earth do you as an addict keep …
 
In this episode, Mark and Steve talk raw and open about an extremely destructive behavior that porn addicts engage in with their partners—GASLIGHTING! Mark and Steve talk about their own gaslighting and narcissistic tendencies during their dark addiction years. And they also share WHY there is GREAT HOPE even in marriage relationships where gasligh…
 
In this episode Mark and Steve speak openly about what it took for them to get to the rock bottom place where they were ready to start down the path of real change. They also acknowledge that everyone is different--"it takes what it takes." Learn how YOU can come to the place where you're ready to take solid, deliberate steps onto the path of break…
 
It has been said, "We are only as sick as our secrets." Another way of coming at this would be: "Living in secrecy keeps our addiction alive." In this episode Mark and Steve share their own past personal struggles with authenticity and transparency. And, they answer some common questions— - WHY is it so terrifying to allow others to truly "see us" …
 
Mental illness and addiction, as well as betrayal trauma, can be parallel struggles! And it can be very difficult to understand where one starts and the other begins, or which one leads to the other. In this episode, Mark talks raw and real about his own struggles with mental illness that began as a small child and how that morphed into and ran alo…
 
It's hard enough navigating through porn/sex addiction and betrayal trauma as adults! But what happens when we're raising kids at the same time? What should we disclose to our kids, if anything at all? And if we do disclose—how, when and how much should we share? And how can we create an environment where we don't pass on the same dysfunctional beh…
 
We're all SO glad 2020 is over! In fact, we should all receive a t-shirt that reads, "I Survived 2020!" And we're all hoping 2021 will be SO much better. But . . . the reality is, this year could bring some challenges even more daunting than last year! We just don't know. The key is to seek emotional health and resilience for ourselves personally a…
 
Can you believe it--it's a NEW YEAR! And it's that infamous time again--New Year's Resolutions! In this episode Mark and Steve get real about WHY these resolutions virtually never work to produce long-term LASTING change. Using the "resolution" approach, especially for overcoming porn addiction and healing betrayal trauma, often does just the oppos…
 
This episode is a kind of "Christmas gift" from Mark and Steve to their listeners. They talk raw and open about how too many Christmas seasons over their decades of deep addiction were anything but merry and joyful! But, today Christmas time is SO MUCH BETTER! Mark and Steve share HOW they and their wives have turned Christmas into a truly enjoyabl…
 
During the holidays, "families" can be both an opportunity AND a challenge! Family interactions can support us on our paths of recovery and healing OR knock us off the path! In this Part Three episode, Mark and Steve offer guidance on HOW to successfully navigate family and the holidays— - Balancing TIME between self, marriage and family. - What to…
 
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